Belonging
by nygirl8
Summary: MD. Set postprom. Everyone knows the two of them belong together, except the person whose opinion matters most. Some Lexzie too. COMPLETE.
1. Somewhere Only We Know

**Chapter 1 – Somewhere Only We Know**

"Meredith?"

Meredith turned and looked at Derek.

"Meredith?"

She looked at Finn. He looked confused. And suddenly she remembered. He had plans. Plans she had ended that night. She didn't deserve him, and Derek - she wasn't going to be with Derek.

"I have to go," she said, picking up the hem of her dress as she looked away from both of them. "I have to go."

At the bottom of the stairs, she walked into the hospital's lobby and leaned against one of the columns, breathing deeply. She had to get out.

The next day

Meredith walked down the hall and into the kitchen. She stopped in surprise when she saw Alex sitting at the table.

"How's Izzie?" she asked, taking a seat across from him.

"She stayed up most of the night crying, but fell asleep around five. She's still sleeping," Alex said, glancing at her.

Meredith looked at the clock. It was 7 AM. "I'm supposed to be at the hospital at eight. Should I stay here with her?"

Alex shook his head. "I'll stay, in case she wakes up. You should go to the hospital."

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks Alex. Call me and let me know if she wakes up and needs anything," she said, rising from the table to go get dressed. She didn't want to see Derek at the hospital today, but knew Bailey would be in a bad mood because of Izzie. _All I have to do is avoid him today, _she thought. _How hard can that be?_

_Harder than you might think, Grey,_ she thought, an hour later. Bailey had just told her she was with Derek today. _All right, all right. All I have to do is be professional, _bracing herself as she walked down the hall towards Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

"Meredith."

"I'm your intern today, so whenever you're ready."

"Meredith," he leaned in closer. "We can't just pretend last night never happened."

"Watch me," she tossed over her shoulder as she walked down to room 308, Derek's patient scheduled for surgery today.

"Meredith," he caught up easily, his hand reaching out to grab her shoulder. At this, Meredith turned around, her eyes spitting flames at him.

"Don't _touch _me," she said, her voice low and angry.

"Can we at least talk about this?" he pleaded.

"Fine, Derek, let's talk." She pulled him to the side of the hall and looked up and down to make sure it was deserted. It was. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Last night was... About last night… What does it mean?

At this, Meredith's eyes grew even angrier. "I don't know Derek. What does it mean? Considering the fact that you're the one who's married, you tell me what it means. Because I am really trying to be happy, and last night… Now I can't. I can't be with Finn anymore, because I don't deserve him. And I'm not going to be with you. You ask me what last night meant, but you're the one who's married. So figure it out, and then _you_ come tell _me_ what you what last night _meant_."

With this, she spun around and stalked down the hall, her lab coat flying out behind her.

Derek looked after her and sighed. He moved to walk down the hall, but before he could, Addison came up behind him. She grabbed his arm.

"We need to talk."

**Reviews always appreciated – let me know what you think!**


	2. This Fool's In Love

**Chapter 2 – This Fool's in Love**

Derek followed Addison into the empty conference room, dreading but also anticipating this talk. He knew he had to tell her.

"Addison, I wanted to-"

"Derek, I think-"

He stopped. "You go ahead."

Addison sighed. "Derek I think this talk is long overdue. I know something happened last night between you and Meredith."

"Addison, I have to tell you-"

"No. No Derek, you don't. You don't get to tell me that you're sorry. Or, more likely, that you're not sorry. I don't want to know what happened, but I think it's time for us to face reality."

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"Meaning I'm not happy with you and you're not happy with me. I know you want to be with Meredith, and I can't try to compete anymore. I gave it a shot, and I know I'll be happier with Mark. I think we both realize that we want to be with other people."

Derek looked at her. "So you want a divorce?"

"I do, and you do. This marriage was over years ago Derek. I don't know why we insisted on holding on as long as we did."

"You're right. Everything you just said is right." Derek watched her face as he said this. "So are you going back to New York?"

"I think so. It was a mistake for me to come out here. I'm going be with Mark, and you, you should go to Meredith."

At this, Derek shook his head. "I really messed things up. She's not going to want to be with me."

Addison blew out a disgusted breath, shaking her head at his cluelessness. "She loves you Derek. She loves you and will forgive you. If she doesn't now, she will eventually. Just give it time. I'm going to have my lawyer fax you the divorce papers. I think we should get this done as soon as possible."

"Yes. Yes we should. Do you really think she will forgive me?" he said hopefully.

"She will Derek. Eventually. Give her time, but not space. Remind her that you're here, and you're not going away." She kissed him chastely on the cheek. "Good-bye," she whispered.

Again, Derek stands and watches as she walks away, her lab coat flying out behind her. He is suddenly overcome with a sense of euphoria mixed with relief. _It's over._ _It's finally over._

**Reviews always appreciated!**

**Chapter 3 coming soon**


	3. What a Wonderful Life

**Chapter 3 – What a Wonderful Life**

Meredith lay back in her bed and stared at the ceiling. A faint red glow caught her attention, and she glanced down at her clock. 8:52 PM. She had to be back at the hospital in nine hours, and she knew there were things that had to be done. She just didn't care.

A doorbell lifted her from her fog. She got up and headed downstairs. She pulled open the door. It was Finn.

"Meredith. We need to talk."

"I know. Why don't you come in… and we'll talk." She moved aside to give him room to enter. She headed down the hall to the kitchen and he followed her.

"Do you want anything to eat, drink? Anything?"

"No," he said, looking around her kitchen. "No, what I want is to talk. About last night. I knew there was something between you and Derek, but you said you weren't with him"

"I'm not," she said quickly. Too quickly.

"Maybe, technically, you're not, but you're not with me either. Look, I'm sorry Meredith, because I really do like you, but I don't know what to think about you and Derek. It's pretty obvious you're not just friends."

"We were together. Until I found out he was married," she said wryly. "And we were friends, but now we're… I don't know what we are. I'm just… It's hard to explain."

"He's in love with you." It was a statement, not a question.

"He was in love with me. Now he's-"

"He's still in love with you, and you're still in love with him. I made plans, but I just… I can't compete with that, and I'm not going to try. I'm sorry, Meredith."

She flinched at the words, knowing she had hurt him. "No, I'm sorry, Finn. Clearly I'm not good relationship material."

Finn shook his head at her. "You are. Just not with me. I'm going to go now." He stood up, and she followed him to the door. "Try to be happy Meredith."

"You too, Finn. You deserve to be happy." She watched him walk down the steps, and waited for the tears that didn't come.

**Reviews always appeciated.**

**Chapter 4 coming soon.**

**(I know this was a short chapter, but I had to close up the loose ends in Meredith's relationship. I'll try to make the next one longer)**


	4. Whatever Gets You Through Today

**Chapter 4 – Whatever Gets You Through Today**

Two weeks later

Meredith gave a brief smile to her last patient as she finished her rounds. She spotted Cristina at the end of the hall and walked towards her. Then she heard footsteps behind her. Heavy, familiar footsteps. She sped up, attempting to get to Cristina before he caught her, but he lengthened his steps and grabbed her wrist.

"You've been avoiding me."

"I haven't been-," she stopped. What was the point of denying it? "I didn't want to talk to you."

"You said to come talk to you when I figured out what that night meant."

"Be quiet! People are going to hear you!" She looked around. "Come on." She walked over to the stairwell, and they both stepped inside. "Talk."

"All right," he said slowly, watching her face. "Did you hear that Addison and I are getting divorced?"

"I heard," she replied, her face expressionless. He couldn't tell if the news made her happy or not.

"It should be finalized in about a month or so." He watched her. "I realized, after that night, that I couldn't be with Addison anymore."

"Because you had cheated on her?"

"Not because of that. I mean, I know it wasn't fair to her, for me to have cheated, but that's not why I couldn't be with her anymore. I realized..," he cleared his throat and looked down. It wasn't easy for him to lay himself open like this. "I realized that I couldn't be with her because I'm in love with you."

Her face was still blank. "Weren't you in love with me when you chose her?"

"When I chose her I was - I was still in love with you"

"Then what's changed? Nothing's different now, Derek."

"Everything's different. I realized that I couldn't keep up a charade of being in love with her and being friends with you. When she said was that I pretended to be love her to fill my need of being a good guy- she was right. And I thought that I couldn't just walk away from 11 years of marriage. I was wrong. I should have left her to be with you."

She shakes her head, her expression weary. "What do you want from me, Derek? What exactly is it that you're trying to say?"

"I love you Meredith. Only you. And I'm hoping that you'll forgive me and we can try to make this work."

Meredith started to shake her head slowly, and Derek's heart sank. The shrill sound of her cell phone ringing startled them both. She pulled her phone of her lab coat and looked at the phone number on the front. "I have to take this."

She turned away from him and answered the phone, and Derek stepped closer as he tried to hear the voice on the other end. He wondered if it was Finn, not having heard that the two of them broke up. Meredith's voice cracked a little, and he stepped closer.

"I'll be there as fast as I can." Her voice shakes, and she closes the phone with a snap. She turns to him. "Family emergency. I have to go."

In his mind, he runs over everything he knows about her family. He realizes his knowledge is sadly lacking. "Is it your mother? Is she all right?"

"She's… she's dead Derek." She lets out a small sob. "I have to go." She pushes past him and goes down the stairs. He starts to follow, but she turns around and looks up at him, her blue eyes cloudy with tears. "Let Bailey know where I've gone. And tell the chief what's happened."

"Wait! Let me get one of your friends. If you don't want me to go with you- I'll go get one of them for you." He moves closer. "Or I can go with you. Nobody will care that you left once they know what happened." He moves as if to hold her, but she stepped back, unable to accept any comfort.

"No… Just tell Bailey and the chief. I'm sure my friends will hear what's happened. I can't talk to anyone now – I have to go." She flies down the stairs past him. This time he lets her go.

**As usual, reviews always appreciated!**


	5. I Love the Rain the Most

**Chapter 5 – I Love the Rain the Most**

The funeral took place a week later. Sitting in the church, between Cristina and George, Meredith felt removed, as if this wasn't really happening. Alex sat next to George, and even Izzie had put aside her own grief in order to attend. Listening to the pastor, she swayed a little in her seat and watched stars dance in front of her eyes.

"Meredith?" George leaned in and peered at her face. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She forced herself to listen to the pastor's words and looked around at all the people who had shown up. Two rows back, Derek sat with the chief, Burke, and Bailey, along with Adele and Tucker. Cristina had told her that Burke was home, and going to physical therapy. He was expected to have full use of his hand within 6 months.

"Ellis Grey changed many lives. She was a surgeon, a healer, and…," the pastor droned on, but Meredith wasn't listening. She simply stared at the coffin and waited for this to be over.

At the cemetery, the crowd started to thin out after the burial. The sun beat down, and Meredith was hot in her black jacket. Still, she stared at the coffin. She knew that she was expected back at the house, that people were coming there after. Cristina had left with Burke, telling Meredith she would see her back at the house. Alex and Izzie had gone, and George now stood by his car with Callie waiting inside, wavering. He had asked her if she wanted a ride, but she had told him she would drive home.

"Mer? You sure you're okay to drive yourself back?" She nodded. "Are you coming now?"

"I'll be back in a little bit. You go ahead."

George got in his car, and with one final glance at Meredith, drove off. Still, Meredith stood there, staring. She heard footsteps behind her.

"Meredith." _Derek_. She glanced at him, and quickly looked away. "Do you want a ride back to your house?" She shook her head. "How are you? With all of this?"

"She… she's in less pain now. It's better this way." Still, her voice shook. "She died alone. She was alone."

Derek recalled what she had said months ago, when Meredith had cried in the supply closet that she didn't want her mother to die alone. "You couldn't have known that this was coming. A stroke isn't predictable." He reached out for her shaking hand, and she didn't pull away. It was ice-cold. "Come on, I'll drive you back to the house."

"I can't go back to the house. Everyone will be there."

"I'll drive you anywhere you want. We can go back to the trailer, or go to one of the docks. Anywhere."

She shook her head. "I have my car here. And I can't… I have to go back to the house. It's rude to keep everyone waiting." She pulled her hand free. "I have to head back now."

"All right. I'll follow you in my car."

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When they got back to the house, it was already filled with people offering their condolences. While Meredith talked, Derek went into the kitchen and filled up two plates. When he went back into the living room, Meredith had disappeared.

"Do you know where Meredith went?" he asked Izzie.

"Um, she might have gone upstairs."

"Thanks." He headed up the stairs and knocked on Meredith's door. "Meredith? It's me, Derek." When there was no response, he cautiously opened the door and went inside. Meredith was on her bed, crying silently. He walked over quietly and sat down.

"Mer?" When there was no response, he reached out and stroked her hair. "Do you want to talk? Because we can. You can tell me about your mother. You've never really talked about her before."

"No. I don't really want to talk about her." Her face was still buried in her pillow.

"Well, are you hungry? I brought food up here."

"No. Could you just – could you just stay with me? For a little while?"

"I'll stay as long as you want."

And that was how they fell asleep several hours later, with her face in the pillow and his hand in her hair.

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A week later, Meredith returned to the hospital at 5 AM for a 48 hour shift. Bailey, Alex, and Cristina were in the locker room when she walked in.

Bailey was the first one to notice her. "What are you doing back here? I thought the chief gave you two weeks off."

"He did." Meredith's voice was slightly raspy from her bouts of crying over the last 2 weeks. "But I can't stay at home any longer. I'll go crazy. And Izzie's being too nice, and sympathetic. I can't take it anymore."

Bailey's expression softened slightly at this, but her voice didn't change. "Fine. Yang, you're with Shepherd, Karev, you're with me, Grey, you're in Ortho, with Torres, and O'Malley-… Where's O'Malley?" The 2 other interns shrugged, as Meredith stood there. "Fine. I'll see you all later. O'Malley's dead when I find him. Being late..," muttering to herself, she walked out of the locker room.

"You're with Bailey today?" Meredith asked Alex. "What happened to being stuck with Addison?"

"You didn't hear? She went back to New York." Cristina explained. "I thought Derek would have said something to you."

"Well, he's called a few times, but I haven't been answering."

"Yeah, we noticed. And Izzie's been guarding you like a mother lion. She said you needed space. She wouldn't even let us go up to your room! But we did drop by."

"I heard. I'm sorry I didn't come down…."

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you later." With this, Cristina walked out of the locker room, leaving only Meredith and Alex.

"So how's Izzie?"

At this, Meredith suppressed her first real smile in weeks. "Alex, didn't you just see her yesterday?"

Alex turned slightly red at the reminder. "Yeah, I just wanted to know…"

"She's good. I think, with everything that's been going on, she's been kind of distracted and hasn't had time to think about Denny. So I guess she's doing better."

"That's good." There was an awkward silence. "So are you okay and everything?"

Meredith swallowed and made a valiant attempt at a smile. "I'm fine. I wanted to come back to work, so I wouldn't think about it."

"Yeah… You know, Shepherd's been asking about you every day."

"I heard… I guess I'll see him today."

"I guess. I'll see you later."

"Bye." He left, and Meredith stood by herself in the locker room.

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At lunch, Meredith sat down at an empty table. Her friends were all busy, and she twisted her napkin in her hands as she debated whether or not she wanted to eat alone. Just as she got up, Derek walked over.

He pulled out a chair, then paused. "Do you mind if I eat with you?"

She paused for a minute, sitting back down. "No, go ahead."

He sat down and looked at her. Meredith studied him, but avoided his gaze.

He took a bite of his sandwich. "So how have you been doing?"

"I'm fine."

"I tried to call you, to check." He paused. "I went to your house, also."

"I know. I haven't been picking up the phone, and Izzie's been keeping people away."

"I thought the chief gave you two weeks off."

"I couldn't stay at home any longer." She played with her food. "I wanted to come back." She pushed her tray away.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm not very hungry."

"Have you been eating this week?" She didn't answer. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to, but you should eat your lunch. You're here for another 40 hours."

"I want to. I'm just not hungry. But we can talk." She paused. "So what's been happening around here?"

"Well… Burke went home. I've seen him a few times, and he's making good progress in physical therapy. He should be back in a couple months. Not for surgery, but he should be able to operate eventually." He stopped, debating whether or not to tell her his news. "Addison went back to New York."

"Cristina told me."

"Yeah, our divorce should be finalized in a couple of weeks." He fell silent. He knew that now wasn't the right time to ask her about the two of them. "And I was thinking that we could bury Doc this weekend, if you wanted."

Her eyes filled. "You waited for me to bury him?" she asked.

"I knew it was important to you. Look, if it's too upsetting, with everything that's been happening, I could bury him myself."

"No, don't. I'll come over this weekend, and we can do it then." Just then, her pager went off. She looked at it. "I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

With this, she stood up and rushed inside. Derek sat at their table, frowning at her uneaten sandwich.

**Reviews always appreciated. They are my motivation for writing the next chapter, so the more I get, the faster it comes!**


	6. Step Away From the Cliff

**Chapter 6 – Step Away From the Cliff**

That Saturday

"You're going over to his trailer?" Izzie asked incredulously, sitting at their kitchen table.

"We're going to bury Doc, Izzie. That's all."

"Mer…"

"What do you think is going to happen, Izzie? The two of us are over."

"You _were_ over," Izzie corrected. "Now you're talking again, and he's divorced."

When her comments failed to elicit a response, she sighed and stood up. Meredith lifted her head from the table. "Alex was asking about you at the hospital." She paused. "What are you going to do now?"

Izzie laughed slightly, but there was no humor in her face. "I'll answer your questions when you answer mine."

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Derek heard the car door slam, and walked to the window. Meredith stood outside her car indecisively. She fidgeted and reached for the car door handle, then pulled her hand back. She reached for the door again, and opened it to go back in.

_Enough of this_, Derek thought to himself. He strode to the door of his trailer and stepped outside. "Meredith!" He walked over to her car. "You weren't leaving, were you?"

"No, I just realized… I left my cell phone in the car."

Derek glanced inside her car, but didn't see her phone. He noted her bag in her hand, but decided not to call her on the lie. "Come on," he said, closing her car door and placing his hand on her arm. He started to walk towards the trailer, but she stopped.

"Why are we going in there?"

"I just want to show you something," he said, keeping his hand on her arm when she tried to pull back. "It'll just take a minute."

He opened the door to the trailer and ushered her inside. Meredith looked around. "You got a new trailer?" she asked, confused.

"Just until I figure out what I'm going to do with the land – I think I'll build a house, eventually. I've just got to find an architect."

"But what about your old trailer – what happened to it?"

"I got rid of it, sold it… I wanted to show you that we could start over, and hopefully erase any memories of Addison, and what's happened."

Meredith shook her head, her face doubtful, "We can't just _erase_ what's happened, or forget what you've said and done, to start over. And I don't know that-" her voice cracked. "I don't know if I even want to try."

Derek's confidence fell, but his face remained calm. "Don't say that. You… you don't mean it." He silently chastised himself. _It's only been a couple weeks since her mom's death, and a month since prom. Don't push – be patient._

Meredith pushed past him and towards the door. Outside, she kicked at a pebble with her toe, and turned back towards him. "I just came here to bury Doc. That's all. Not to talk about us or what we're doing."

"Well, when else am I supposed to talk to you?" His voice got louder, despite him trying to stay calm. Meredith flinched, but didn't respond. "You avoid me at the hospital, you won't take my calls, you won't answer the door, George and Izzie won't let me in, when else are we supposed to have this conversation?"

"We're not having a conversation now, Derek. You're yelling, and I don't want to talk, so this is over. Let's just do what I came here to do, and we'll talk some other time." She swallowed slightly, realizing what she had just said. _Crap._

"When?" he asked, watching her intently.

"Some other time." She brushed her hair back with her hand, and Derek noticed how fragile she looked. Her hand shook, and her voice trembled as she spoke. "All I came here to do was to bury Doc, so if we're not going to do that…"

"No, we will." He began to walk toward the clearing, and she followed.

They made the walk in silence, until they arrived at the clearing. He had already dug a hole in the ground, and all that was left was to bury Doc and cover him.

Meredith carefully placed the box in the ground, and Derek picked up a shovel. He pushed the dirt back into the hole, until it was filled. He looked at Meredith.

"I thought we could take a walk along Tiger Mountain Trail, in Doc's memory." Meredith hesitated. "We don't have to talk. Not about anything you don't want to, anyway. Just walk, that's all." He waited, hoping for an affirmative response.

"That would be nice," Meredith replied slowly, as Derek let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He reached for her hand, as they walked over to the trail, and she didn't pull away.

He smiled to himself, celebrating his small victory. His happiness faded as he looked over at her. Her cheekbones were sharp, her jawbone was prominent, and her fingers were thin. He strove for a light tone as he spoke. "I noticed you didn't finish your sandwich at lunch the other day."

She glanced at him, seeming to see the real concern behind the sentence. "You don't miss a thing." When he didn't reply, she sighed. "I wasn't hungry, like I said."

"We can have lunch after this, if you want." She shook her head. "What, desperate to escape me, or still not hungry?"

She shrugged her thin shoulders. "I just haven't had much of an appetite lately. It's been crazy, with Izzie quitting and my mother." She looked at him. "I'm fine," she said forcefully. When he stared back, she looked away, his steady gaze making her uncomfortable.

After several minutes of walking in silence, he spoke. "You can lie to everyone else, but not to me. If it would make everything easier, you could talk to me." He smiled at her. "Use me as a sounding board. I wouldn't mind."

She let out a short, harsh laugh. "What, like friends? That worked out _so _well before."

Derek was stung, but at the same time he knew he deserved that. "Not like before. I wouldn't-," he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry for what I said before, and I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I was- I was jealous."

Meredith's tone was slightly bitter, as she replied, "No, I'm pretty sure you meant it. You definitely _seemed_ pretty sincere when you were saying it."

"I didn't mean it. When I said it, I had no right to be jealous that you were with other guys."

They arrived back at the trailer. "You still don't," Meredith told him, as she headed for her car. Derek quickly caught up with her, and pulled her around to face him.

He tilted her face up to his. "Yes, I do." He leaned closer, recalling what Addison had told him. "I'm not going away, Meredith, and I'm not giving up. If you want to ignore this for now, go ahead, but I won't let you do it forever."

Meredith stared into his eyes, feeling intensely vulnerable. She had a feeling he could see all her secrets. She wrenched her arms from his grip and fled to her car. "You don't have a choice."

Derek watched as she drove away.

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As Meredith rushed into her house, she caught a faint aroma of vanilla. Izzie was baking in the kitchen. The smell of food made her nauseous, and she rushed up the stairs and into her room.

She pulled open her night table drawer and rummaged through it. The room spun as she stared, once again, at her positive pregnancy test. _Derek can't know, Derek can't know_, she repeated to herself. _What am I going to do?_

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**As always, reviews appreciated, and needed, as motivation for the next chapter. I know this one took awhile to post – sorry, I was away without access to a computer. Hopefully I can write the next one a little faster.**


	7. Never Leave Your Heart Alone

**Chapter 7 – Never Leave Your Heart Alone**

Meredith was standing with Bailey when Derek walked over, looking for an intern. Bailey looked at the two of them, considering. She had done her best to keep Derek away from Meredith, but work was work, and she was the only one available…

"Grey, you're with Shepherd. Go." She leaned close to Derek and spoke, lowering her voice so Meredith couldn't hear. "And I better get that intern back in the same condition I gave her to you."

Derek raised an eyebrow at her. "Meaning what?"

Bailey wasn't intimidated. "Meaning, if not exactly in a good mood, at least somewhat normal and not crying and miserable." She glanced at Meredith. "If she does come back that way, Shepherd, you won't be working with her for the next month."

He paused, then nodded at her. He glanced at Meredith, who was absent-mindedly fiddling with her lab coat. She didn't look like she'd heard what had been said. "Let's go." Meredith accepted the file from Derek and followed him down the hall. It took her a little while to realize they weren't walking to the patient's room.

"Dr. Shepherd… Mr. Shapiro's room is the other way."

He looked over at her and smiled. "I know. I just checked on him earlier. I thought we would grab some lunch first."

"I've already eaten," she lied. Although her appetite had returned a little, and she no longer threw up at the smell of food, she had been busy that day. Still, she didn't want to eat with Derek.

"Well, you can eat again. You could definitely stand to gain a few pounds." She looked over at him sharply. _Did he know?_ "You know, to gain back the weight you lost over the past month." _Oh._ She relaxed slightly at this. "Plus, I have a surprise for you."

She eyed him curiously. "What is it?"

"You'll see," he replied, opening the door to the stairwell for her. He led her to the roof of the hospital. "We're having our lunch up here." He walked over to a corner of the roof, and retrieved a bag. He started pulling food out of the bag, and waved her over to where he sat.

She looked around nervously. "Are we allowed to be up here?"

"Sure." He was lying, he had no idea whether or not they could be there, but he wasn't going to have her worrying over it. He pushed the food toward her. "Eat."

They sat in silence for a little while. Derek watched as Meredith nibbled at the food, and even met his eyes a few times. He smiled to himself. He had given her two weeks to cool off after Doc's funeral, and it seemed to have worked. He pulled the binoculars he had brought with him out of the bag.

He stood up. "And now for the surprise," he said, extending a hand to Meredith and pulling her up. The roof had a view of the harbor, and the ferryboats. He scanned the water until he found what he was looking for, and handed the binoculars to Meredith.

"Right there," he said, turning her slightly to the side. "You see that boat, with the blue stripe on the side?"

Meredith scanned the water until she saw it. "Yes."

"Look at the front of the boat."

Meredith moved her binoculars to focus on the front of the boat, where its name was neatly spelled out, in blue letters. _Meredith._ She stared at the boat for a while, and lowered her binoculars and turned to Derek. "You found a boat that's named _Meredith_?" she asked, confused.

"No," he corrected her. "_I _bought a boat and named it _Meredith._"

"You named your boat after me?" she said incredulously, allowing herself to feel a tiny bit pleased at this. She fought to keep from smiling, but Derek could tell she was happy.

"I did," he confirmed, stepping closer to her. She looked up at him, her eyes wide, as he lowered his face to hers and kissed her. She pressed closer to him, as his hands pulled her head to his. "I've missed you," he said in between kisses. "And this."

The temptation to forget everything that had happened was strong, but Meredith couldn't stop the thoughts rolling around in her head. _The baby. Addison. Divorce. Prom. _

She pulled free. "Oh God, what are we _doing_?"

"What?"

"What are we doing?" she repeated. "You're married, we work together, and I'm…" _Don't tell him, don't tell him._

"You're what?" When she refused to answer, he sighed. "Is it Finn? Are you still seeing him?"

"No, we broke up," she answered. "I'm surprised you didn't hear."

"Oh," he exhaled, relieved. "As for me being married, the divorce was finalized a few days ago. It's over. I'm surprised you didn't hear about that."

"No, I didn't," she replied quietly. "Still, we can't…. We shouldn't." A look of panic came over her face. "I have to go."

With a sinking heart, Derek watched as she flew to the door and down the stairs. _Patience_, he reminded himself. _Patience._

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An hour later, Meredith knocked frantically at the door to Cristina and Burke's apartment. After a few minutes, Burke answered. A look of concern came over him at her tear-streaked face.

"Dr. Burke," she said, shifting back and forth. She had forgotten he would be at home. "Is Cristina here?"

"No, she's at the hospital," He stopped. "Which I'm guessing is where you should be right now." At Meredith's nod, he sighed. "What did Shepherd do now?"

Meredith opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out. She let out a small, quivering sob, and Burke, alarmed, opened the door fully. "Come in." She stepped into the apartment and looked around curiously. She had never been there before. "Do you want something to drink? Coffee?"

"No, thanks. I shouldn't even be here. I'm supposed to be at the hospital." Her panic quickly rose. "Bailey is going to kill me!"

"Calm down, Grey," he said, leading her over to the couch. "Just consider this part of the week that the chief gave you and you never took." When her look of panic didn't subside, he sighed. "So you wanted to talk to Cristina?"

"Yes… No. It was a stupid idea. I mean, I saw her this morning. I knew she was working." She fidgeted in her seat. "I don't even know why I came here."

"What did Shepherd do now?"

"He named his boat after me," Meredith stopped for a minute to compose herself. "And he wants to get back together. He got a divorce, and I broke up with Finn, but we can't be together because…"

"Because why?"

"He can't just erase the past… I mean, he wants to pretend like there was never an Addison, and he was never married, or lied, and also…" she stopped. Taking a deep breath, she said to him, "Nobody knows this. And if I tell you this, you can't tell anyone. No one."

Burke was now a little alarmed. Meredith looked like she was going to fall apart. "I won't tell anyone."

She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Burke took a moment to digest this. "And it's Derek's?"

"Of course it's Derek's! If it wasn't, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"But how… I thought you two aren't together."

Meredith buried her head in her hands and mumbled, "Prom."

"What?"

"Prom! We had sex the night of the prom."

"Oh. Ohhhh."

"Yeah. He was there with Addison, and I was there with Finn, and it just…" she gestured helplessly. "I don't know. It was not a smart thing to do." She looked up, alarmed. "And remember, you promised not to tell anybody."

"I won't," he sighed to himself, wishing that Cristina had been home to do this. On second thought, he was probably better at dealing with this kind of crisis than she was. "Wait, why haven't _you _told anyone?"

"Well, Izzie's been kind of a mess, and Alex is busy taking care of her, plus he's still _Alex_. I mean, we're kind of friends, but still… And George and I are finally moving on from the whole sex thing, and I don't want to mess that up. Actually," she mused to herself, "Callie knows about prom, and I'm surprised she hasn't said anything. And Cristina's been worried about you," she said, gesturing to his hand, "and I didn't want to dump this on her. And I was going to anyway, because I came here to talk to her about what I should do."

"Well, if it's any help, Shepherd will be thrilled," Burke offered.

"Thanks, but that's not very helpful. I mean, I just don't know what I should do," Meredith said, looking straight at him. "What do you think I should do?"

"Well, Shepherd's already made it pretty clear that he's chosen you, and he doesn't know about the baby. I think you should talk to him," Burke said, knowing that this was probably exactly what Meredith didn't want to do.

"I probably should tell him, right? I don't know," Meredith said, pushing her hair away from her face. "I should go, though. I shouldn't have dumped this all on you, but thanks for listening anyway."

"It wasn't a problem, Grey. To tell you the truth, since I'm not at the hospital, I kind of miss you and Derek's angst-ridden relationship."

"Thanks," Meredith said sarcastically, smiling a little. "I should go. Thanks for your help," she said, standing up and hugging him.

Burke awkwardly patted her on the back. "Always happy to help," he replied, walking her to the door. "Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Kind of… Maybe… I don't know. I hope you'll be back at the hospital soon."

"Another month, Grey," he said, showing her his tremor-free hand. "Good luck."

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Meredith pulled out her keys and quickly opened the door and stepped into her house. Although the nausea that came with her pregnancy had subsided a little, she wasn't feeling well, and her stomach hurt. At the sound of the door opening, Izzie came into the front hall.

"Meredith. Good," Izzie said, relieved. "McDreamy's here. He was looking for you. You _ran out_ of the hospital today?"

Meredith groaned inwardly. All she really wanted to do was go upstairs and lie down. "I didn't _run out_." She reconsidered. "Okay, maybe I did. But I don't want to talk to him. Why didn't you get rid of him?"

"He won't leave! So just go and talk to him, and then maybe we can finally have some peace in this house."

"Fine," Meredith agreed, annoyed and scared at the same time. "And don't eavesdrop."

A guilty look crossed over Izzie's face, and Meredith knew that's exactly what she had been planning to do. "Fine. Now go and talk to him," she said, pushing her toward the living room.

Meredith stopped in the doorway of the room. "Derek."

"Meredith," he sighed. "Enough of this. We have to stop dancing around each other, and make a decision. Either you want to be with me or you don't. Which is it?" He paced slightly across the room. "You know, I told myself to be patient, and give you time, but I just… I can't see you and not want to be with you." At her lack of reply, he stopped pacing and really looked at her. At her chalky-white face, he grew nervous and strode over to her. "Meredith?"

"Derek. I feel…" she gasped in pain. "I don't feel so good…" And at this, she fainted in his arms.

**As always, reviews appreciated. And thank you to everyone who has written a review so far - you were my motivation for this chapter. **


	8. No Illusions

**Chapter 8 – No Illusions**

Derek stared in shock at an unconscious Meredith, her head lying against his chest and her body limp in his arms. He scooped her fragile form into his arms, carrying her as if she were a child. "Izzie! Izzie!"

Izzie ran into the room. "What? What's happened?" She saw her unconscious friend, and panicked. "Oh my God! What happened?"

"She fainted. Stevens, calm down, and open the front door. I'm taking her to the hospital." As they rushed into the front hall, Derek shifted Meredith's slight weight in his arms. "Do you know what's wrong with her?" Izzie shook her head. "Do you know _anything_?"

"She wasn't feeling well when she came home. That's all I know." As Derek gently placed Meredith in the backseat of his car, Izzie made a decision. "Wait, I'll come with you." Derek shot her a surprised look, knowing of her decision not to return to the program, but saying nothing. "Do you want me to call the hospital and tell them we're bringing her in?"

Derek nodded as he ran a red light. Cars blared their horns behind him, but he didn't seem to notice or care. "Yeah, call Bailey and tell her what's happened."

As Izzie spoke quietly into the phone, Derek glanced in the backseat at Meredith. Her face was pale, and her head lay on his jacket. Even as the car made sharp turns and flew through traffic lights, Meredith remained unconscious, her limbs limp and her breathing shallow. He had never been so relieved to see the familiar white letters of Seattle Grace Hospital in his life.

As he pulled into the ambulance bay, Bailey rushed out, followed by Alex and Cristina. Derek got out of the car and carefully scooped Meredith out of the back seat.

"Shepherd, what happened?" Bailey asked harshly, gesturing to bring a gurney out.

"I don't know," Derek replied, as Alex pulled a gurney outside. He carefully placed her down, reluctant to relinquish his hold. "We were talking, and she just collapsed."

"I think her stomach was bothering her," Izzie interjected.

Derek shot her a look. "You didn't tell me that on the way here."

"Well, I wasn't thinking of that," Izzie said, flushing under his glare. "I was worried about Meredith."

"Shepherd, now's not the time." Bailey said, leading the group into the hospital. "Alex, let's go."

Alex obediently followed Bailey, pushing the gurney. Bailey quickly noticed Derek following behind.

"Shepherd, where do you think you're going?"

Derek shot her a pleading look. "I have to make sure she's okay."

Bailey shook her head. "I know you're worried about her, but you're not her doctor, and you can't come with us." Her face softened slightly as she glanced toward the gurney. "There's nothing you can do, and she deserves her privacy." Derek stepped back a little, and she nodded. "If I can tell you anything, later, I will." She turned to Izzie. "Stevens, let's go."

Izzie froze. "Go where?"

"Stevens, your friend is lying unconscious on a gurney right now, and nobody can tell me what's wrong with her! Now isn't the time for you to agonize over whether or not you want to be here. Now let's go!"

As they made their way over to the elevator, Derek stood there, holding his jacket. He could smell lavender on it, from Meredith's hair. _Screw this, _he said to himself, balling up his jacket in his hands. _I'm not just going to stand here doing nothing._ He walked over to the staircase, knowing that they would take Meredith to the 4th floor. _She's going to learn that I'm here for good._

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On the elevator, Bailey starred at the 3 tense, worried faces surrounding her. _They can't be here._ "Yang, go find the chief. Tell him what's happened and let him know I want you to scrub in on whatever surgery he has now." Cristina nodded, but even the prospect of surgery couldn't distract her. "Alex, you can…" She tried to think of something that would distract him. "Head over to Plastics. Tell them your resident assigned you there, and see if they need an intern on any surgeries." The elevator door opened. "You two, go. Izzie, come with me."

They wheeled Meredith into an empty exam room, and Bailey firmly closed the door behind them. She was well aware of the constant gossip surrounding this intern. "Now, you said her stomach was bothering her earlier?"

Izzie nodded. So that was why she was here. "Before she collapsed. She came home and was going to go upstairs and lie down."

"All right. Now, Stevens, think about this before you answer. Is there any possibility that she was pregnant? Or is pregnant?"

Izzie's face blanked. "I don't see how. She and Finn weren't…"

Bailey looked at her and pointedly glanced towards the floor, where she figured Shepherd was probably pacing around the lobby.

Understanding flew across Izzie's face. "Oh. You think that she and Derek…" Words failed her, and she stopped.

"I don't know or care who it was with, Stevens, and neither should you," Bailey snapped. "I'm just asking if there was a possibility."

"She hasn't said anything. I don't know, maybe."

"All right. I'm going to get the sonogram machine. You stay here. Shepherd shouldn't come up here, but if he does, don't say one word about what we think. Understand, Stevens? _Not one word_." Izzie nodded, as Bailey slipped out the door.

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Bailey stared at her young intern. "Meredith, what have you gotten yourself into?" she asked the unconscious girl, shaking her head. There was no one to hear, Bailey having sent Izzie out of the room when she came back with the sonogram machine. There was no question – Meredith Grey, approximately 8 weeks pregnant, had lost the baby, and was also suffering from dehydration and exhaustion. Bailey quietly pushed open the door and headed to the nurses' station to return Meredith's chart. She wasn't going anywhere for the next few days.

She bumped into a tall woman, wearing a black dress and heels, and promptly dropped Meredith's chart. Paper flew everywhere, but Bailey stood there in shock. "Addison."

She looked into the face of one of her closest friends and, at that moment, one of the people she least wanted to see. "What are you doing back here?" She knelt to the ground and hurriedly began collecting papers. Unfortunately, Addison bent down to help.

"Miranda, is that any way to greet a friend?" Addison asked teasingly. "I'm just back here to say hello. Mark has a case at Mercy West, and I came with him." She stood up, papers from Meredith's chart in her hand. She glanced down.

"Here you go-," extending the papers to Bailey. Just then a look of comprehension came across her face, and she quickly withdrew her hand. "Is this _Meredith Grey's_ chart?"

"Now, Addison, you know I can't tell you that," Bailey said, reaching for the papers, but Addison held them away.

"What's happened to her?"

"Your ex-husband," Bailey replied, reaching for the papers. "That girl is a train wreck, and it's his fault! Now give me her chart, and go deal with him. I'll tell you what's happened when I can." Addison handed her back the papers, but she knew what she had just seen. _Meredith Grey. Miscarriage. 8 weeks._ She headed towards the elevator, and promptly collided with her ex-husband, pacing the hall.

"Addison? What are you doing back here?" Derek asked, astonished to see her.

"I came back with Mark. He has a case at Mercy West. I just dropped by to say hello, see what's been happening," Addison answered calmly.

"Oh. All right," Derek slumped against the wall, tired for a minute.

"I saw Bailey already," Addison said casually.

Derek sat up. "You did? Did you find out anything about Meredith?" he asked eagerly.

Addison smiled slightly. Derek was so in love with Meredith, it was almost painful to watch. "She said she'd let me know when she could," she replied, neatly sidestepping his question. "One of the reasons I dropped by today was because I wanted to see how you and Meredith were doing."

Derek slumped back against the wall. "Not good, Addie," he admitted. "She won't talk to me, she won't go out to dinner with me, she wants nothing to do with me." He sighed. "I tried to take your advice, but before she fainted, I told her she had to decide what she wanted."

Addison shook her head. "You know, they call you McDreamy." Derek nodded. "Well, for al that, your skill with women is laughable. You shouldn't have pushed for an answer, Derek. I told you to give her time." Although, she mused to herself, if Meredith had known she was pregnant, all the time in the world wouldn't have helped Derek.

"I know that look," Derek said, staring at her intently. "You know what happened."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what's wrong with her." Addison shook her head. "Please, you have to tell me."

"Derek, I can't," Addison said harshly. "If Meredith wants to tell you, she will. I think Bailey's keeping her here for the next few days."

"Addison…"

"Derek, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. The only reason I know is because Bailey was so surprised to see me that she dropped Meredith's chart."

Derek nodded, realizing that he wasn't going to get anything out of her, and he was wasting time. "Do you think I can see her?"

Addison hesitated. "I don't know if Bailey will let you. I don't think she's awake yet, but if Bailey's not in her room, I guess you could sneak in. Of course, once she wakes up, she might not want you to be there." Derek nodded, already starting to head down to hall.

"What room is she in?"

"403. Derek." He looked back, hearing the warning note in her voice. "_Don't_ upset her."

He nodded. "Thanks, Addie. I'll see you later."

Addison watched as he single-mindedly headed down the hallway. She sighed to herself, feeling slightly sorry for Meredith. _I don't think she's getting rid of him so easily._

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 7! I know I have taken a long time to update, and don't really have a good excuse. Frequent use of the delete button when writing this chapter. I know that some people wanted Meredith to have the baby and the three of them would live happily ever after, but that's not where I see the story going right now. Yes, Addison's back. I haven't decided yet whether or not I'm keeping her around. For everyone who hasn't heard, the season 3 premiere of Grey's Anatomy is Thursday, September 21, at 9PM! I can't wait!**


	9. No Sleep Tonight

**Chapter 9 – No Sleep Tonight**

Derek slipped quietly into Meredith's room, which, luckily, was empty. He approached the bed as silently as possible, and looked around. A tube snaked into her arm, the label on the bag showed it was only fluids and electrolytes. Derek nodded to himself, pleased to have some idea of what was going on. _Dehydration._ He looked around for her chart, but Bailey had apparently anticipated this and taken it with her. The clock said it was 11:53 at night, and he was hoping that nobody would come back and find him here.

As he moved silently towards the head of the bed, the only sound in the room was the occasional beep of a monitor. Meredith stirred slightly, and he froze. Even though he wanted to talk to her, he knew it was probably not the best idea for her to wake up and find him there. She resettled her head on the pillow, but her sleep was no longer restful. She tugged on the blanket, pulling the corners out from underneath the bed. As she tossed and turned, Derek stood there, frozen. Just then she sat up in the bed, her eyes opening slightly. Derek jumped back slightly, then stopped. Even though he was in front of her, he had a feeling she wasn't seeing him. She pulled the blankets up to her chin and stared straight ahead. A slight whimper escaped her throat.

"No, no, don't go." Derek frowned – she didn't sound like herself. Actually, she sounded very _young_. Almost child-like. Just then, another cry escaped.

"Stay here. Don't leave me, you can't, you can't!" She quieted for a minute, then whispered, "Don't leave."

Derek was confused. Who was she talking to? "Don't leave, don't leave, don't leave." She was whispering them to herself, almost chanting the words.

"Don't."

Just then, she sat up more in bed and a small scream escaped. She stared straight ahead, her arm outstretched and her fingers closing on empty air. Her tone changed from one of pain to one of accusation. "_You_ chased him away. It's _your _fault." Her tone softened. "And now he's gone." She began to cry, huge sobs that racked her whole body. "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone."

Derek just stood there. He thought he was witnessing something important, but he had no idea what this was. Jealously came to him quickly as he thought that maybe she was talking about an old boyfriend, but he quickly dismissed that idea. Her sobs had subsided, and she slid back down into the bed, tears still flowing from her now-closed eyes. He stepped closer to the bed.

"Meredith?" He touched her shoulder lightly, not sure if it was over. She turned her head into him, her tears soaking the front of his shirt. He lowered his head to hers. "Are you even going to remember this in the morning?" he whispered. She didn't answer, but the trembling of her body slowed, even as tears continued to fall.

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Bailey peered into Meredith's room. Everything was quiet and still. Bailey squinted at the chair. She pushed the door open further. As more light spilled into the room, it revealed that the chair held a sleeping Derek Shepherd, slumped over and holding Meredith's hand. She stepped quietly into the room and made her way over to the bed and Shepherd's chair.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, lowering her voice and shaking his shoulder.

He came awake with a start. "Bailey?" he whispered.

"What are you doing here, Shepherd?" she repeated. When Derek remained silent, she sighed. "I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be here when she wakes up."

Derek looked at Meredith, seeming to memorize the delicate features of her face before he stood up. "We probably shouldn't talk in here – we're going to wake her up."

Bailey nodded. "We'll talk in the hall," she said, gesturing for him to follow her out.

He pulled his hand free and gently placed hers on the bed. As he turned to leave, Meredith whimpered slightly. Both he and Bailey turned back at the noise. Meredith, still sleeping, sat up slightly in bed, her hand searching for his. Derek, seeing the panic flit across her face, quickly reached for her hand.

"Shepherd, what the hell is going on here?" Bailey hissed at him. As far as she knew, her intern had rejected him and was attempting to stay as far away as possible.

Derek stared at Meredith, who had settled back down and was starting to regain the peaceful sleep she had before. "She had a nightmare earlier, but I think she's calmed down." He looked at their intertwining hands. "I don't want to leave her alone."

"A nightmare?" Disbelief came across clearly in Bailey's tone. "About what?"

Derek was annoyed at her doubt. Did she think this was just a ploy for him to stay in Meredith's room? Still, he answered.

"I don't really understand what it was about. Besides, I don't think Meredith would want a lot of people to know," he replied, recalling what had been said. "It was private."

Bailey glared at him suspiciously, but acquiesced. "Fine. You can stay with her tonight, but I'll come by early in the morning, so you won't be here when she wakes up."

Bailey's tone left no room for arguing. Derek nodded reluctantly, watching as Bailey marched out of the room. He sighed, and slumped down in his chair, settling in for the night.

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The next morning, Derek walked across the hospital lobby, intending to get something to eat and then a few hours of rest in the on-call room. The chair last night hadn't been very comfortable. However, he stopped short when he saw Addison and Mark walking through the lobby towards him. Although it didn't bother him to see Addison with someone else, Mark's betrayal still stung, over a year later.

He stopped and nodded coolly to them. "Addison. Mark."

"Derek." Addison's unease was palpable. "How's Meredith?"

He shrugged, then jerked his head toward Mark. "What's _he _doing here?"

"Derek, please. Can we all just try to be adults here?" When Derek failed to reply, she sighed. "He's here because Richard found out we were in Seattle and asked him to come by for a consult." She turned to Mark. "Actually, why don't you go and see him now? His office is on the 5th floor." Mark stared at the two of them, looking first at Derek, then Addison. Seemingly satisfied with what he had seen in their faces, he nodded and left. Derek stared coldly after him, watching as he headed over to the elevator.

"Derek? Derek!" Addison's voice pulled his attention away from his former best friend. "How's Meredith?"

"I don't know, Addison," he answered tiredly. "No one's telling me anything, and she didn't wake up last night, so I haven't talked to her." He looked at her, seeming to search for answers in her face. Finding none, he went ahead and asked her. "Why do you care?"

Addison seemed taken aback by the direct question. "What?"

"Why do you care?" Derek repeated. "As far as I can tell, you should hate me and Meredith. Not that I want you to, but… Why do you care? Why are you being so calm and-," he searched for the right word, "civil about this? Actually, friendly would be a better way to describe it."

Addison hesitated. "We were married for almost 12 years, Derek. Just because we're not anymore doesn't mean that I don't care about your happiness. Don't you feel the same?"

Derek nodded. "No, I mean, of course, you're right. If Mark makes you happy… You seem happy… I'm actually…," he trailed off.

"You're what?" Addison prompted him.

"I'm actually jealous of what you two have. Not that I don't wish you happiness, Addie, because I do, but I feel like I'm never going to have that."

Addison was feeling slightly jealous herself. Derek certainly had never been so open about his feelings for her during their relationship. She patted his shoulder. "I'm sure you will. She loves you, Derek, and you love her."

Derek's tone was glum. "She has an odd way of showing it."

"She's hurt, that's all. She doesn't know whether or not she can trust you again. What did you think, that our getting divorced was the magic ticket? That after, Meredith was just going to fall into your arms and you'd live happily ever after?" she asked him, her tone slightly exasperated.

"I don't know what I thought. I guess I just thought she'd be more open to a relationship. You and Mark seem to…," he jerked his head towards to elevator that Mark had disappeared into.

"Okay, comparing the two relationships… they can't be compared," she said, shaking her head. "And I would suggest that you don't do that with Meredith, either, because she's not going to agree any more than I do." At Derek's silence, she continued. "Mark and I… he knew from the beginning what he was getting into. And even after he came out here and I said no, he still knew that going in. He knew what he was dealing with. Meredith…"

"I know," Derek cut her off, not wanting her to refresh for him what he had done to Meredith.

"No, you don't know," she said sharply. "I'm going to give it to you from her perspective." She held out her hand and started counting off on her fingers. "First, you started a relationship. Just when you started to open up to her and make rules, your wife – the wife you hadn't told her about – shows up. Second, you jerk her around about the divorce papers, then choose to stay with that wife." She stopped counting. "Than, you offer to be her friend. Her _friend_ then proceeds to judge her on the guys she's slept with since him, after he chose to stay with his wife. You called her a _whore_, Derek. Then, you sleep with her on prom night, promptly divorce your wife, and tell her you want a relationship. Do you understand how she feels?"

Derek was still focusing on her previous sentence. "How did you know we slept together on prom night?"

Addison was taken aback. Truthfully, she had done the math when she found out about Meredith's miscarriage, but she wasn't about to tell Derek that. "I knew something had happened that night. Does it matter, Derek? The whole point of that little speech was to get you to understand where she's coming from."

Derek nodded slowly. "I get it. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now." He exhaled slowly. "I want a _relationship_, Addie. I want things to be the way they were before."

Addison shook her head. "Derek. Things are never going to be that way again. You lied to her. You said unforgivable things to her. I understand that they were born out of jealousy, but I wouldn't forgive you for saying them," she said, shaking her head. "You better hope that Meredith is a lot more forgiving than I am."

"I already apologized," Derek said defensively. "So, what now? How do I get things to go back to the way they were?"

"Things aren't going to be that way for a while, Derek. You have to start over, and put up with all the mistrust and uncertainty. Everything you say is different now. Before, you had a clean slate. As far as she knew, you were unattached. Than your wife showed up. What you had before is not going to happen again for a while, Derek. If you don't understand that, I can't explain it to you," she said, striding away with her last words. Derek watched her go, frustrated, but knowing she was right. He and Meredith couldn't just go back to where they were before, but he hadn't wanted to accept that. Having it spelled out so harshly just made it even more painful. He didn't know where to begin in order to start over.

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Meredith lay in her bed, counting the ceiling cracks. She felt tired and broken, her limbs seemingly too heavy to move.

Bailey marched into the room. "Grey. Good, you're up."

"Bailey," she croaked. She sat up, looking for water. "What happened?"

Bailey poured her a glass of water and sat down in the chair beside the bed. "You were dehydrated."

"And?" Meredith prompted, knowing from Bailey's voice that there was something more.

"And you had a miscarriage." Bailey said softly. She reached for Meredith's hand. "Meredith, I am so, so sorry."

Meredith pulled her hand back before Bailey could reach it, and turned away from her, onto her side. Silent tears began to make their way down her cheeks, as her hair fell forward, hiding her face.

"Meredith," Bailey said her name tentatively, as though the slightest provocation would cause her to burst into hysterics. When the intern stayed turned away and didn't reply, she got up and went to the other side of the bed. "Meredith." She pushed the hair out of her face. "This was not your fault. You know this." When Meredith stayed silent, she asked quietly, "Did you know?"

Meredith nodded, tears still streaming down her face. "I knew. For the last few weeks, I knew."

Bailey searched her mind for something to say. Although she knew what to say to a patient after a miscarriage, she didn't know what to say to _Meredith_. "You know this wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. When a woman miscarries in the 1st trimester, it's usually a problem with the fetus. It's inevitable. There was nothing you could have done."

Meredith nodded. "I know that." While she was still crying, she sat up slightly and pushed her hair back. "What happened yesterday?"

Bailey hesitated, not sure if she should mention Derek. Still, she couldn't see any way around it. "You fainted in your house. Derek and Izzie brought you in."

"Derek…" Meredith said his name slowly. "Was he here last night?"

Bailey froze. "Why would you say that?"

Meredith looked at her steadily, the tears starting to dry. "I thought I saw him. I woke up during the middle of the night."

Bailey nodded. "He was here. He said you had a nightmare. When I wanted him to leave, he tried to, but you started to panic." She stopped, but realized she should finish what she had started. "I woke him early this morning, and he left. He stayed with you all night. I didn't tell him what had happened, and I took your chart with me. He doesn't know." When Meredith nodded, her suspicions were proved correct. The baby had been Derek's.

"Thank you for telling me, and for keeping it a secret from him." Her eyes started to fill up again. "I think I'd like to be alone now."

Bailey stood up. "All right, Grey. I'll come back in a little while to check on you. If you need me, page." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "You don't have to worry about the nurses. They won't bother you. I figured, you've been the topic of enough gossip, and I'll keep them away."

Meredith turned away. "All right. Thanks."

Bailey paused at the door, but couldn't find the right words. "If you need anything, page me." She slipped out the door and closed it firmly behind her. Meredith buried her face in the pillow, her small frame shaking.

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A few hours later

Addison hesitated at the door to Meredith's room. She didn't hear any noise coming from inside, but that could only be a good thing. It meant none of Meredith's friends were there. She pushed open the door and stepped inside.

Meredith heard the door open, but didn't turn to see who it was. Addison rounded the bed in order to see Meredith's face. Empty blue eyes met hers.

"I heard about what you've been putting Derek through," Addison said, nodding in approval. "Good job."

"Addison. What are you doing here?" Meredith asked tonelessly. Addison had a feeling Meredith didn't really care about the answer, but she decided to tell her anyway.

"Mark had a consult at Mercy West, and I came with him. Then Richard asked him to come here for the day, so I'm just visiting."

"Oh. That's nice." Meredith's voice was devoid of any interest, real or pretend. Addison knew just how to snap her out of that.

"I ran into Bailey in the hall yesterday. That's how I knew you were here." Addison said the words casually, as if Meredith's response didn't really matter.

Meredith sat up in bed. "Bailey told you?" Her face temporarily betrayed her. Anger, hurt, and confusion flitted across her face before it was wiped away.

Addison took her time answering. "She didn't tell me. But I do know what happened. She dropped your chart on the floor, and the papers went everywhere."

Meredith sat back in bed. "Great."

"I've seen Derek. Twice. Don't worry, I haven't told him anything." She smiled slightly. "He told me plenty, though. Apparently you've been putting him through the wringer."

Meredith shrugged. "Why do you want to know, anyway? What does it matter?"

"It matters. Derek and I were married for 12 years, and I want him to be happy. Mark and I… Well, I think Derek deserves that happiness too. And," her voice getting stronger, "so do you."

Meredith's expression was skeptical. "So you really have been talking to Derek. Because apparently, you also think that the two of us getting back together is the key to happiness and we can just forget everything that's happened?"

"Not at all," Addison corrected her. "I think you should take him back, and bring up the past to use against him whenever the two of you fight." Meredith smiled slightly. "I mean, if it's just pride here and that's why you won't take him back-"

"There are a lot of reasons I won't take him back, Addison," Meredith interrupted. "Pride's pretty much on the bottom of the list." She sat up straight. "Did Derek ask you to come here? Is that why you're here?"

"No, Meredith, no," Addison rushed to reassure her. "He doesn't even know I'm here."

"He does now," Derek said, startling them both.

"What are you doing here?" The three of them said in unison.

"Addison?" Derek looked at her, waiting for an answer.

"I came to check on Meredith," she replied slowly.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Meredith retorted.

Derek turned to her, his expression determined. "I want to talk to you."

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 8! A few people have written that Addison is being nice – I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a good thing or not, but I actually like the character of Addison, I just don't like her with Derek. For everyone who hasn't heard, the season 3 premiere of Grey's Anatomy is Thursday, September 21, at 9PM! Some people didn't realize that the show has moved to Thursdays - ABC has moved the show in order to compete against CSI. I have never seen CSI, but to everyone who watches both - TiVo is a beautiful thing. Now all you have to do is decide which show you're actually _watching_ at 9! Also, the season 2 DVD set is being released September 12. September 12, September 21 – I can't wait!**


	10. Wishful Thinking

**Chapter 10 – Wishful Thinking**

"_Did Derek ask you to come here? Is that why you're here?"_

"_No, Meredith, no," Addison rushed to reassure her. "He doesn't even know I'm here."_

"_He does now," Derek said, startling them both._

"_What are you doing here?" The three of them said in unison._

"_Addison?" Derek looked at her, waiting for an answer._

"_I came to check on Meredith," she replied slowly._

"_What are **you** doing here?" Meredith retorted._

_Derek turned to her, his expression determined. "I want to talk to you."_

"About what?" The words slipped out of Meredith's mouth before she realized she'd said them. _Crap,_ she thought to herself. _I should have told him to leave._

"Several things," Derek said. He glanced meaningfully at Addison. "Things probably better not discussed in front of an audience, so-"

"No," Meredith cut him off. "No, no, no. I don't want to talk to you, and Addison's staying. I want you to leave."

Derek glared at Addison. She stood up. "Uh, maybe I should give you two some time alone. I have to go check on… Umm, I have to go see… I'm going to go." She gave Meredith a quick smile as she made her way towards the door. She stopped next to Derek, and lowered her voice. "I'm giving you some time to try and fix things, but _don't_ upset her." She looked towards the bed. "She's just…" she searched for the right word, "fragile right now."

Meredith rolled over on the bed and looked at them "You know, I can hear everything you're saying. This room isn't very big."

"Meredith," Addison said pleadingly. Meredith turned away. "Meredith. Just give him a chance. You two could be so happy together." When no response was forthcoming, she sighed. "I'm going to go," she said, giving Derek's arm a friendly squeeze. "Good luck." She slipped out the door.

After the door closed, Meredith stayed where she was, facing away from Derek. He crossed the room to see her, and she turned to the other side.

"Meredith," he said warningly, walking to the other side and grabbing her wrist to make sure she wouldn't turn away. As his eyes met hers, he faltered. Her eyes were so empty, they didn't look like they ever cried. "I want to talk to you."

"So talk," she said tonelessly, glancing at her wrist. "It's not like I can go anywhere."

Derek was at a loss. Now that he finally had her listening to him, he forgot everything he had planned to say.

He cleared his throat. "I want to know what happened yesterday."

Meredith looked surprised. Derek felt relieved. At least she had exhibited some form of emotion. "You really don't know?"

"No."

She shook her head slowly. "Addison said that she didn't tell you, and I pretty much knew Bailey wasn't going to, but I didn't think you really wouldn't find out what happened."

Derek shifted impatiently. "No one's telling me anything, and I don't know what happened, so if you could just tell me…"

"Did you sleep here last night?"

Derek was taken aback. "What?"

"Did you sleep here last night?" she repeated.

He shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah. You had a nightmare and I didn't want to leave you alone."

"A nightmare?" She sounded surprised. "About what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know," he said, looking intently at her face. "You kept telling someone not to leave and then your voice changed and you said to someone that it was their fault that he left."

Meredith was stunned. "I didn't realize I still had nightmares about that."

Derek treaded slowly. He didn't want her to realize how badly he wanted to know about this. "Who were you talking to?"

As Meredith looked at him, she came out of her shock and remembered she wasn't alone. Her face closed off back into blankness and she shook her head. "No one. It doesn't really matter."

Derek stepped closer to the bed. "It matters to me."

Meredith curled up tighter on the bed, her wrist still encircled by Derek's hand. "It's not important, and I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Derek said slowly. He didn't want to push too hard and risk her getting upset.

Meredith glared at him.

"What?"

"I'm not a mental patient, and I'm not _fragile,_" she said, drawing out the word for his benefit. "I don't need you or Addison or anyone else to protect me from the world. I just want to be left alone!"

"I can't do that!" Derek sounded both frustrated and angry.

"Why not? You did it easily enough before. You chose Addison and you walked away." From the distant look in Meredith's eyes, Derek guessed that she was recalling the moment he had told her he was staying with Addison.

"Because I love you! I love _you_, Meredith. Not her, _you_."

As a distraction, it worked. Meredith's expression went from distant to horrified. She shook her head. "You don't get to say that to me, Derek. Actually, you don't get to say anything! I want you to leave."

Derek turned stubborn. "Tell me what happened, and than I'll leave."

"What happened…"

"Yesterday. I want to know, and then I'll leave."

Meredith drew in a deep breath. She pushed herself up on the bed, apparently fortifying herself for this conversation. But whatever she was about to say was interrupted as the door was pushed open and a woman in a white lab coat came in, holding her chart.

"Meredith Grey?" she asked, smiling. "I'm Dr. Walker. Dr. Bailey asked me to come in for a consult. If everything checks out, you can leave tomorrow." Too late, she stopped, her smile fading, as she realized Derek was in the room. Like everyone else in the hospital, she had heard the gossip about Derek and Meredith on prom night, especially in light of his and Addison's divorce.

For his part, Derek stared at the petite, cheerful woman, confused. He had met Dr. Walker a few times when he had visited the neo-natal unit, and once in Addison's office. As his eyes met hers, he wondered why she was there. Then her words registered, and he realized she was there for Meredith.

"Bailey asked you for a consult?"

Dr. Walker shifted uncomfortably, realizing what she had walked into. "I can't discuss that with you." She turned towards the bed. "Meredith, if you want, I can come back later."

Meredith immediately shook her head, seizing the out before Derek realized what was going on. "No, it's okay. Dr. Shepherd was just leaving."

"I'm not leaving until _someone_ tells me what's going on." He strode over to Dr. Walker and pulled Meredith's chart out of her hand before she realized what was happening. "And I want to know why there's an OB/GYN here for a consult," he said, the words short and angry. He quickly scanned the top page of her chart, glimpsing only the word _miscarriage_ before it was snatched out of his hand.

"Dr. Shepherd! I would think that, out of all people, you would understand the need for a patient's privacy!" Dr. Walker exclaimed, holding the chart tightly by her side, in case he tried to take it again.

Derek's world spun around him. _She had had a miscarriage?_ He knew he had to talk to Meredith, but he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with this woman there. "Look, you don't understand," he said, desperation coloring his voice. "I _need_ to talk to Meredith, so if you could just… come back later," he said, steering her toward the door.

"Are you her doctor?" she asked, her voice scathing.

"No."

"Her husband?"

"No."

"Well, in that case, you don't need to talk to her, and whatever it is you have to say can wait until tomorrow," she said, pushing him into the hall and firmly closing the door. "Now," she said, turning to Meredith. "How are you feeling?"

In response, Meredith burst into tears.

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Derek staggered out into the hall, searching blindly for an empty seat. His head was spinning. _Miscarriage. A baby. My baby?_ _Mine. Mine. Mine._ A hand grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him through double doors to an empty corridor. As he was pushed into a seat, he looked up and realized the identity of his rescuer.

"Mark."

"Derek," Mark said, as he nodded to him and dropped into the next chair.

For a few minutes, they sat in silence. Finally, Derek sat up in his seat. "I should go see Meredith."

Mark slumped farther into his chair. "Give it a few minutes. She's in her room, and I'm here, so you don't have to worry your intern is off somewhere sleeping with me."

Derek was instantly infuriated. "I wasn't worried about that."

Mark just sat there silently. Derek stared at his feet, then raised his head to stare at his former best friend. "Did everyone know but me?"

Mark shrugged. "I wouldn't say everyone knew. Bailey knew, and Addison, and she told me… then there's Izzie and whoever she's told, but other than that…"

"So everyone knew." Derek said bleakly. "Do you know- Do you know how long she's known?"

"I think Addison said a couple of weeks." He paused. "I hear you've been having a hard time getting her back."

"Did Addison tell you _everything_?" Derek asked, embarrassment coloring his voice. His ex-best friend who had slept with his wife was not exactly the person he would have chosen to talk about his difficulties with Meredith.

"It's wasn't entirely Addison," Mark said in her defense. "The nurses, her friends… even the janitors know all about you two."

Derek sighed and leaned his head against the wall. "So what do you think I should do?"

That was how Addison found them 15 minutes later, deep in discussion. "What are you guys _doing_?" she asked in shock.

Mark grinned at her. "Derek was telling me all about his failure with the fairer sex."

"You guys were talking about Meredith?"

"Why not?" Derek asked, slumped in his chair. "No one else has been able to help me with this, so…"

"So you were talking about it with Mark," Addison said weakly. She couldn't believe this. Even though she had hoped the two of them could one day be friends again, she hadn't thought about what would happen when it did. Her ex-husband talking about his relationship woes to her current boyfriend, the guy she had cheated on him with? Addison sank down into a chair next to Mark. "He giving you any good advice?"

Derek shrugged. "Can't tell you until I try it."

"All right, well maybe you should go home now," she suggested. "Meredith's being released tomorrow, so maybe you should try some other time."

"I can't wait until tomorrow!" Derek said, fired up with excitement. "I have to get her at exactly the right time. Now could be the right time."

"Well, considering the fact that an hour ago you told her you loved her and she reacted with shock and horror, I don't think now's the right time," Addison said wryly, as Mark snickered beside her.

"You told her you loved her and she rejected you? Jeez, man, you really do have problems with this whole relationship thing."

However, Derek was distracted by what Addison had just said. "How do you know what I told her?" he demanded.

"Dr. Walker called me because she had such a hard time calming her down after you left," she said, glaring at him. "I told you not to upset her!"

Derek flushed, as Mark continued laughing beside him. "Well, she wouldn't tell me what happened. The only reason I found out is because I knew who Dr. Walker is and realized why she was there."

"Actually, I think you found out because you grabbed Meredith's chart out of her hand," Addison pointed out.

"That too."

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A week later

Meredith edged closer to Bailey as she spotted Derek coming down the hallway toward them.

"Grey, what are you doing? You losing your manners as well as your mind?" Meredith had been with Bailey the whole week, having refused to take any time off after she was released from the hospital. Bailey followed Meredith's gaze and spotted Derek coming towards them.

"Calm down, Meredith."

Meredith heard her, but had a hard time calming down. The entire week, she had carefully avoided being alone with Derek. Her roommates got rid of him when he came to the house, and she had been Bailey's intern the entire week and had stayed near at all times. Derek came over to them.

"Bailey, I need an intern."

Bailey nodded. "Karev's in the pit. I'll page him for you."

"Actually, I was hoping to borrow Meredith for a few hours."

Bailey looked at him, her eyes hard. "No." She turned to her intern. "Let's go, Grey. I'll go page Karev for you, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek watched, frustrated, as Bailey strode down the hallway, Meredith trailing behind.

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In the locker room at the end of the day, the three other interns were grabbing their stuff when Bailey walked in with Meredith. She nodded at them "I'm handing her off to you," she said, leaving. They had all agreed that someone would stay by Meredith at all times, to make sure Derek couldn't catch her alone. Normally, Meredith would have chafed at such restrictions, but she wanted to stay away from Derek more than she wanted her privacy.

Alex stepped forward. "Grab your stuff, and I'll walk you to your car."

As they headed to her car, she didn't realize Derek was lingering at his car, parked a few spots away.

"You going home now?"

She shrugged. "I might go to Joe's for a little."

Alex nodded. "Well, try not to overdo it."

They reached her car. "I won't"

As she slid into her car and Alex closed the door, neither of them realized that Derek had overheard their conversation. He quickly pulled out of the parking lot and made the turn to Joe's. As he walked into the bar, he chose a table in the corner, with a perfect view of the counter and Meredith's regular seat. _I'm not leaving until she talks to me_, he thought to himself, determined. _She has to talk to me._

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 9! I'm going to try very hard to update before next Saturday, but no promises! (I never make promises I'm not sure I can keep) After that, I'm leaving for school and I don't know how often I'm going to update. Luckily, most of the next chapter is already planned out in my head - it just has to be put to paper! For everyone who hasn't heard, the season 3 premiere of Grey's Anatomy is Thursday, September 21, at 9PM! **


	11. Let Myself Fall

**Chapter 11 – Let Myself Fall**

Meredith banged her empty shot glass on the counter.

"Joe?" she called, her words slurred.

Joe came by and stood on the other side of the counter. He shook his head. "Sorry Meredith, but I think you've had enough."

Meredith stared at him in disbelief, as she felt someone slide onto the stool next to her.

"How many has she had, Joe?"

Meredith didn't hear him reply, but his answer made Alex curse. She lifted her head and looked at him.

"What are you doing here?"

Alex shrugged. "I went back to your house and told them you were going to Joe's, and Izzie wanted me to come bring you home." He looked at the empty shot glasses on the counter in front of her and shook his head. "Grey, a week ago you were hospitalized for dehydration. What the hell are you _doing_?"

Meredith laid her head on the counter, closing her eyes. "I'm escaping, Alex," she mumbled. "Escaping into a world where problems don't exist."

"Yeah, well, any more of an escape and you'll find yourself back in the hospital again."

Her head still on the counter, she raised her hand and pointed a finger accusingly at Joe. "Well, _he_ said I can't have any more, so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

Alex paused in consternation. "This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain neurosurgeon who you've been avoiding all week, would it?"

Meredith barely lifted her head from the counter. "Shut up, Alex. I told you I'm escaping into a world without problems. That means Derek Shepherd doesn't exist."

Joe walked over to Alex's side of the counter, lowering his voice so Meredith wouldn't hear. "And conveniently for her,  
forgetting he exists should be easy, considering he's right there." Alex turned around and finally noticed Derek sitting at one of the tables, staring at Meredith.

Glaring at him with barely contained hostility, he asked Joe, "What's he doing here?"

"From the two sentences he's said during the various times I went over there, I'd guess that he's trying to work up the courage to come talk to Meredith."

Alex let out a short laugh. "He's been following her around at work trying to get her alone, and now that she's alone he's too nervous to come talk to her?" They both looked at Derek with vaguely pitying expressions.

Meredith, noting their distraction, lifted her head off the counter. "What are you guys staring at?"

They both whipped their heads around from where Derek was sitting and stared at her with alarmed expressions. "Nothing!" But it was too late. Meredith followed where their gazes had been and spotted Derek. Her eyes narrowed.

"What's he doing here?"

"I don't know. What do you think he's doing here, Meredith?"

It was a rhetorical question and they both knew it. Meredith groaned and laid her head back on the counter. "He's intruding into my escape world. Alex," she implored, "Make him go away."

"Actually, maybe we should just leave."

That got Meredith's attention. "I'm not going to leave because he's here!" She scowled. "Let him leave. He's not going to chase me away."

Alex sighed. "Well, how do you plan to avoid him all night? Eventually he will come over here."

She smiled brightly at him. "He won't come over if you're here." She paused to think. "Well, maybe he will, but he can't talk to me if you're here."

"Grey, I am not going to stay here all night."

She frowned at him. "We're not going to stay all night, Alex. Just until he leaves, 'cause I'm not letting him think he chased me away." She laid her head back on the counter. "Have whatever you want. I'm paying."

"As much as I appreciate the generous offer, Grey," Alex said dryly, "We really should get out of her before Shepherd comes over. I though you didn't want to talk to him."

"He is not going to make me leave. Let him leave!" Meredith's voice got louder, and Alex glanced over his shoulder to see Derek coming toward them. _Great_.

He stopped by Meredith's side, barely glancing at Alex. "Or we could leave together."

Meredith tilted her head slightly to stare at him. "Why are you here?" she asked indignantly. "You're ruining my escape."

Derek turned to Alex. "She can't drive home."

"Well, thank you for that brilliant piece of advice, Dr. Shepherd," Alex said sarcastically. "Because, after all the alcohol she's consumed, I was definitely planning to let her drive. Meredith, let's go", he said, placing his hand on her arm to help her off the stool.

Meredith shook her head and placed it back on the counter, seeking to block out Derek from view. "I don't want to go home."

When Alex would have started to argue, Derek stepped between the two of them. "I'll stay here with her. And I can bring here home later."

Alex was shaking his head before Derek had even finished speaking. "Dude, she would kill me once she realized. So would Izzie. And Cristina. And Bailey. No. No way."

"Well, what are you going to do? Stay here all night?" Derek asked. "If no one showed up, I was going to take her home  
anyway. She can't drive. Just go back to the house and say she already left."

"And where's she gone that she's still not home?"

"I'll take her back to my trailer. In the morning we can talk."

Alex cocked his head to the side. "And why should I let you do this? Meredith doesn't want to talk to you."

Derek thought frantically. "The next month, any of my surgeries you want in on." Alex started to shake his head. "Any of Dr. Sloan's surgeries you want in on."

"Sorry. You know, it's weird. I want to say yes, but Meredith is still, well, Meredith. I wouldn't do that to her."

"Look at her!" Derek said. Meredith's head was on the counter, her eyes focusing on a poster on the wall. She heard the vague murmuring of their voices, but couldn't make anything out. Blood pounded in her ears and she felt like she was going to be sick. She attempted to get up from the stool and stumbled. Derek caught her before she hit the floor. "If you care about her, you know she's not happy now. Do you think she's happy?"

"Well…"

Derek dug into his jeans pocket and pulled out a handful of bills, tossing them onto the counter. "I'll take her back to my  
place. Tell the others whatever you want. I don't care. I have to talk to her." He paused, holding his breath. Alex nodded slowly, but the look on his face wasn't the most encouraging. Derek quickly pulled a now sleeping Meredith to him and walked out of the bar, carefully avoiding knocking her head on the doorframe.

For a few minutes, Alex could only stand there, stunned at what he had just agreed to. Than he grinned suddenly and sat down at the counter. "Ah, who am I to interfere with true love, right, Joe?" As the bartender nodded, Alex glanced at the clock. Almost midnight. "I'll have a beer on Shepherd's tab. We can toast to the happy couple." As Joe poured the beers, Alex willed Shepherd not to screw this up. _This is it, man. No more chances after this._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Meredith woke up slowly the next morning, and was instantly aware that she wasn't where she was supposed to be. She rolled  
over on the bed, and met a pair of smiling dark blue eyes.

"Good morning."

Meredith stifled a scream as her head pounded. Bile rose in her throat, and she quickly pushed herself over Derek and into the  
bathroom, where she emptied the entire contents of her stomach, consisting of two bar nuts and five shots of tequila. She  
pushed her hair back with her hand and turned to face Derek, who had risen from the bed and was leaning against the  
doorframe of the bathroom.

"What am I doing here?" Derek was quiet. At Derek's silence, Meredith felt her frustration rise. "How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?"

At Derek's question, Meredith tried to remember the night before.

_"Sorry, Meredith, but I think you've had enough."_

_"What the hell are you doing?"_

_"I'm escaping."_

_"I'll take her back to my trailer."_

"Last night…" She looked at him accusingly. "Was Alex there last night?"

Derek paused, debating whether or not to tell her. She would be angry. "He was there."

"Then why didn't he take me home?"

Derek shifted from one foot to the other. "He wanted to, but I convinced him to let you come back with me. So we could  
talk."

"We have nothing to talk about," she informed him loftily. "And I don't know why Alex would do that. Next time I see him…"  
she trailed off, muttering to herself.

"We have nothing to talk about?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes," she said, looking straight at him. His steady gaze made her uncomfortable, and she pushed back her hair nervously, and  
asked, "Well, what is there to talk about?"

"For starters, the fact that you were pregnant and you didn't tell me!"

"Why should I have told you?"

"I think I had the right to know that you were pregnant!" Suddenly unsure, Derek asked, "Didn't I?" As Meredith stared at the  
floor, his anger grew. "Wasn't it mine? Do you even _know_?"

Meredith's eyes flashed as they met his. "Of course I know! Thank you for saying that, Derek, because now I remember what  
you think of me."

Derek hastily backed down. "I didn't mean that. I was just… Can you just tell me?"

Meredith's voice was low as she began to speak. "It was yours. It couldn't have been… I mean, I never… Finn and I never…"

Derek was stunned. "I thought…"

"I know what you thought."

They stood in silence for a few minutes, until Meredith broke it. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

Meredith's voice was weary as she struggled to explain. "I hadn't known for that long… I hadn't decided anything." She  
glanced towards the door. "If that's all you wanted to talk about, I have to get to work. I'm guessing my car's not here?"

Derek struggled to control himself. Meredith had the ability to infuriate him like no other. "That's not all, and we're not done."

Meredith closed her eyes to hold back her tears. She tipped her head back, than brought it down to meet Derek's eyes. It was  
too painful to be around him. "What do you want from me, Derek?"

He stepped closer and brought his hand out to touch her face. "I just want you."

Meredith pulled away. "No, you don't. You had me. You had me a year ago and you walked away. You don't get to just  
change your mind."

Derek looked at her, his face solemn. "I want to make that up to you. Meredith. Pick me, choose me, love me."

Meredith stepped even farther back. "I can't… I can't!"

"You can. You just don't want to."

Meredith felt like screaming. Didn't he realize how hard this was for her? "Maybe I don't. I don't want to try to trust you  
again. I did that before, and look at what happened."

Derek felt as if she'd slapped him, but he wasn't about to give up. "Let me make it up to you. Go out with me Friday night."

Meredith glanced frantically towards the door. "I want to leave."

"And I want an answer. Tell me! Friday night, yes or no?"

Meredith hesitated. She studied his face cautiously, seeming torn. "I…" Just then, the ringing of her cell phone startled them  
both.

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 10! So I'm at school with my Mac, and I can definitely say that this chapter would have been done a lot sooner had I used my home computer (which is a PC.) On the Mac, I can't view my stats or my stories, or upload documents. Therefore, I can't use it to update or view my number of hits, which help motivate me to write faster. If anyone knows how to fix this, please let me know. The Grey's Anatomy season 3 premiere is two weeks from today - Thursday, September 21, at 9PM!**


	12. Back In The Wild

**Chapter 12 – Back In The Wild**

Meredith pushed past Derek into the bedroom of the trailer. Rummaging through her bag, she pulled out her phone.

"Hello?"

"Where the _hell_ are you?" Cristina's voice rang out from the phone. Wincing, Meredith pulled the phone away from her ear and rubbed her head.

"I'm at Derek's trailer."

"What?" Complete shock was evident in Cristina's voice. "Why are you over there?"

"I went to Joe's last night, and apparently Derek brought me back here after."

"Apparently?"

"Apparently," Meredith confirmed, slightly embarrassed.

"You don't know?" When no reply came from Meredith's end, Cristina asked incredulously, "You were drinking a week after you were released from the hospital for dehydration?"

Meredith sank onto the bed and sighed. "Don't start."

"Fine. Anyway, the reason I called was because it's nine o'clock and Bailey's flipping out. Wants to know where you are."

Meredith sat up straight in the bed. "It's nine o'clock?"

On her end, Cristina glanced at her watch. "Actually, it's nine fifteen. You should get over here, because no one knows where you are. We're lucky that Izzie isn't here because she probably would have called the police by now."

Meredith reached under the bed and started looking for her shoes. "Alex knows where I am," she said defensively.

Cristina paused, momentarily confused. "How does Alex know where you are?"

"I think he was at the bar last night."

"Then why didn't he bring you home?" Cristina demanded, anger beginning to grow in her voice.

"I don't know Cristina, why don't you ask him?" Although she appreciated her friends' concern, she was able to take care of herself, and the incessant hovering and constant questions about how she was feeling had begun to annoy her.

"Just get here, fast. Bailey's threatening to go to the chief. She thinks you've overexerting yourself lately, and that's why you're not here."

Meredith swore as her fingers closed around one of her shoes under the bed. "How am I supposed to get to work?"

"Fly," Cristina said sarcastically, her tone suggesting that she thought this was a stupid question.

"I don't have my car with me. I think it's at Joe's."

"And we're back to 'I think.' Exactly how drunk were you last night?"

"Does it really matter?" Meredith asked, frustrated. "The point is I don't have any way to get to work."

"Ask McDreamy to drive you. You let him take you back to his place last night, you can let him drive you back today."

"I didn't _let_ him," Meredith stopped, waiting for a response. "Hello?" She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked down at the screen. Cristina had hung up. Meredith looked up and realized that Derek was standing in the doorway of the bedroom. "Can you give me a ride to work?"

He leaned against the doorframe, blocking any escape route. "You never answered my question," he reminded her.

"Well, I'm going to get fired if I don't go in right _now_!" Meredith's hair fell forward as she shoved on her shoes. "Bailey's going to go to the chief if I don't show up soon. She thinks I'm 'overexerting' myself."

"So do I."

"You're not my doctor," she snapped. She looked up. He appeared completely unruffled by her rudeness. "So you'd let me get fired?" She asked, the question bordering near hysteria.

"They wouldn't fire you. They'd probably just make you take a few weeks off."

"I don't have time for this. Will you give me a ride, or am I walking?"

Derek sighed and jerked his head toward the front door. "Let's go."

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Meredith snuck a glance at Derek as they pulled into the hospital parking lot, but quickly looked away when his eyes met hers. He pulled up in front of the hospital entrance, and caught her arm as she reached for the car door.

"So what do you think about Friday night?"

Meredith sighed to herself as she met his gaze. _Do I enjoy self-torture?_ she asked herself silently. "Friday night, we're having a movie night."

"Who's we?" Derek asked, carefully keeping his expression blank.

"Me, Cristina, Burke, George, Callie, Izzie, and Alex. You can come if you want," she said grudgingly, wanting to take back the words the moment they were out of her mouth.

"What time?"

"Seven."

"I'll be there," he said, letting go of her arm. "Have a good day at work." She glared at him and got out of the car. At the hospital entrance, she turned and looked back at the car, then quickly opened the door and went inside. When she was gone, Derek's face split into a grin as he thought of Friday night. _It's a start._

Meredith stepped into the hospital lobby and glanced out the window, just in time to see Derek smile before he drove off. Lost in her own thoughts, she headed for the elevators and didn't see the person that stepped into her path until she was right in front of her.

"Meredith."

She looked up. "Addison!" Surprise flew across her face. "Where did you come from? I didn't see you."

"I've been standing here since you came in." She glanced at her watch. "Aren't you late?"

"Yeah, I am." She jerked her head towards the elevators and Addison fell into step beside her. "I'm really late."

"I would've thought that Izzie and George would wake you." She reconsidered. "Well, not Izzie, but George still works here."

They stepped onto the empty elevator. "Yeah, well, I didn't sleep at home last night."

Addison put the pieces together – after all, she had seen Derek dropping Meredith off. "So, have the two of you reconciled?"

"What?" Meredith asked, still distracted.

"You and Derek. I saw him dropping you off."

"Not really… sort of. He just took me back to his place last night after I saw him at Joe's."

Understanding dawned on Addison's face as Meredith blushed. "Trying to drink away your problems again?" Meredith shrugged as Addison shook her head. "So last night you were drunk and he took you back to the trailer?"

"He wanted to talk," Meredith said glumly. "And then he wanted to go out Friday night, so I said he could come by for a movie night with everyone else." Her face brightened as she had an idea. "Do you and Mark want to come?"

Laughing, Addison shook her head. "Thanks, but I've given Derek all the help he's going to get from me, and now I think I'm just going to stay out of it."

Meredith's faced turned an embarrassed red. "It's not a date. I mean, everyone else is going to be there, so you two wouldn't be intruding or anything."

Addison nodded knowingly. "So it's a group date. You can pretend you're back in high school."

"No… It's just a movie night. Anyway," she said as the elevator doors opened. "You two are welcome to come. Seven o'clock." She stepped out of the elevator. "See you later."

"Bye." The doors closed as Addison shook her head slightly, an amused expression on her face.

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"Cristina!" Meredith called, rushing to catch up with her friend.

"What?"

"Can you and Burke come to my house on Friday night?"

"Why?" Cristina asked suspiciously.

"Derek wanted to go out on Friday night, so I told him we were all having a movie night and he could come. If he wanted."

"You told him what?" Cristina asked in disbelief. Meredith stared back at her pleadingly. "Meredith… I thought this was over."

Meredith shrugged helplessly. "I just… I wanted to say no, but I couldn't!"

"So you lied and invited him to a 'movie night'? Who's supposed to be there?"

Meredith looked away. "All of us, and Callie, and Burke, and maybe…"

"Maybe who?"

"Maybe Addison and Mark."

"Do you _enjoy_ torturing yourself, Meredith?" Cristina asked exasperatedly.

Meredith gave her a wan smile. "I ask myself that every day. Can you guys come?"

"I guess," Cristina said grudgingly. "I have to check with Burke and make sure he wants to go." They started walking down the hallway. "Did you ask the others yet?"

"No. I mean, George and Izzie'll probably be home Friday anyway…"

"And you think Izzie wants to watch you and McDreamy acting like two love struck teenagers three months after her fiancé died?"

"We're not going to…" Meredith struggled with what she was trying to say. "It's not a date! Everyone keeps saying it's a date, but it's not!"

Cristina looked pointedly down the hall, where two nurses had stopped and were staring at them. "Mind your own business," she snapped. She grabbed Meredith's arm and steered her towards the back hallway. Finding an empty gurney she pushed Meredith onto it and sat down next to her. "Does he know it's not a date?"

"It's not a date!" Meredith said, her voice rising.

Cristina just rolled her eyes. "It's not?"

Meredith's voice was quivering. "I just don't think I can do this anymore. Derek is always around, and I just… I can't."

"You can't what?" Cristina prompted patiently.

"I can't be around him. I can't date him. I don't… I don't trust him anymore."

Cristina shifted uncomfortably as she tried to think of a reply. "I don't think he has any more wives coming out of the woodwork, Mer."

It was the wrong thing to say. Meredith burst into tears, her narrow shoulders shaking. Cristina stared at her friend, shocked. She tentatively reached out a hand towards her shoulder. As Meredith trembled, it became clear she was murmuring something to herself.

"What is it?" Cristina asked.

"What am I doing? What am I _doing_, Cristina?"

Cristina let her hand fall away from her friend. She smiled slightly at Meredith's naiveté. "I always thought that you were still in love with him."

"I'm not!" Meredith denied hotly.

Cristina raised an eyebrow at her. "You're not?" Meredith just looked away. "We should be so lucky," Cristina muttered to herself.

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Friday Night

Derek ran the doorbell and shifted impatiently from one foot to the other. After a few minutes, George opened the door, eying Derek with barely concealed dislike.

"Come in."

Derek stepped into the house and followed George to the living room, looking around for Meredith.

"She's upstairs," George said, reading Derek's thoughts. "I think she's coming down in a few minutes."

Derek nodded, but couldn't stop the nervous thoughts running through his head. _Is she really coming down?_

Upstairs, Meredith was just as anxious as he was downstairs. She ran her fingers over the front of her lavender sweater, trying to calm her nerves. As she looked in the mirror, she remembered the last time she had worn this sweater – the night of the party that Izzie had thrown for her boyfriend. _Will he remember?_

Derek did indeed remember. As Meredith stood in the doorway to the living room, he spotted the familiar sweater and couldn't suppress his smile as memories flooded his mind. "You look nice," he said, a slight smirk playing around the edges of his mouth.

Meredith stepped into the room. "Thank you. So do you."

An awkward silence prevailed. The ringing of the doorbell made them both jump.

Meredith inclined her head towards the door. "I'm gonna go get… yeah. Wait here."

Meredith opened the door to reveal Cristina and Burke. "Hi."

"Is he here?" Cristina asked, wasting no time on pleasantries.

"Yes," Meredith admitted. "He just got here."

Taking in Meredith's flushed face and Cristina's glare, Burke asked, "It is okay if we come in?"

Meredith seized the rescue gratefully. "Of course! Come in," she said, moving to the side of the door.

As they entered the living room, Derek rose to his feet and shook hands with Burke while Cristina glared at him.

Cristina announced, "We're going to get some stuff from the kitchen." She pulled Meredith to the kitchen. "How's it going?"

"Oh, just great. Can't you tell?" Meredith asked sarcastically.

"So tell me again what he's dong here?"

"I don't know. I think maybe we could go back to being friends."

"I'm sorry, when was were you two friends? Was it when he was yelling at you in a stairwell, or having sex with you in exam rooms, is that when you guys were friends?"

"It doesn't mean we can't be friends now, does it?"

Cristina shrugged. "It's your decision."

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In the living room, Burke and Derek had sat down on the couch.

"Cristina's pretty angry with you," Burke announced.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"She wants to know what you and Meredith are doing."

"You can assure her that my intentions are honorable," Derek said dryly. "I would _like_ for us to be dating, but for now she avoids me while I try to get her to go to dinner."

Burke laughed slightly at Derek's plight. "So what's tonight?"

"Tonight is… Apparently it's not a date, as Meredith announced to the entire 3rd floor when she was talking to Cristina. It's a… hopefully it's a breakthrough."

Just then, Meredith and Cristina came back into the room. They placed some chips on the coffee table, and Cristina took a seat on the couch next to Burke. Meredith looked around, trying to decide where to sit, and the doorbell rang again. Meredith went to go answer it, as Cristina muttered, "Saved by the bell."

She came back with Alex and Callie in tow, and George and Izzie quickly came downstairs. Meredith reluctantly took the only seat left, next to Derek, as they settled in to watch the movie.

Several hours later, Derek woke up just as the movie was ending. He looked down to see Meredith, fast asleep against him. Scattered around the room, everyone else was fast asleep, all the couples together. George and Callie, Cristina and Burke, Izzie and Alex. _Are Alex and Izzie a couple?_ He didn't know.

Meredith shifted in her sleep, apparently awakened his movements. He gently smoothed his hand over her hair. "Go back to sleep, Mer." She moved and lay further against him, trusting him in sleep, if not in reality. Derek pulled her further against him, content for the first time in months, and fell back asleep.

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 11! I know I said I wouldn't be updating often (to me, under two weeks is often), but it was very important to me to update by the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy, which, to everyone who's been living under a rock, is tomorrow, September 21st! I also wanted to update by my birthday, which is today! Yay! I still cannot update or view my hits on the Mac, but I haven't found anyone who can fix it, so I'll be using my school's computers to update. Enjoy the season premiere tomorrow, and hopefully I will update soon!**


	13. Be Gentle With Me

**Chapter 13 – Be Gentle With Me**

Meredith awoke slowly, not sure where she was or who it was she was lying against. Looking around her, she saw Derek's eyes open, watching her, as she sat up and stared at the various people sleeping in her living room.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" Derek asked her quietly, trying not to disturb the rest of the room. He sighed to himself as she pulled away from him and stood up.

"Yeah, fine." She pushed her fingers through her tangled hair and headed toward the kitchen. "I think I'm going to make breakfast."

Derek followed her. "You can cook?" he asked, surprised.

"How hard can it be?" she retorted.

A half hour later, Meredith stood in the kitchen with her hands on her hips, her head cocked to the side in confusion. "I don't understand… I thought I followed the recipe." She turned to Derek. "What do you think?"

Derek thoughtfully studied the black mess in the frying pan, trying to stifle his laughter. "What were you trying to make?"

"Pancakes," she said unhappily. "I don't get it…" She glanced at his face, and the expression on hers finally made him burst out laughing.

"Derek! It's not funny!" she said, shoving him playfully. "Could you do a better job?"

"Meredith," he said, in between bursts of laughter. "I think anyone could do a better job."

"Fine, then," she said, handing him the spatula. "You do it."

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Fifteen minutes later, Meredith wrinkled her nose at the smoking mess Derek pulled out of the oven. "What is that?"

"They're supposed to be rolls," Derek said.

"They're cut and slice type rolls, Derek. How do you burn those?"

Derek shrugged innocently. "I think your oven might be broken."

Meredith raised her eyebrows at him as Burke walked into the room. "What's that smell?" he asked.

"Derek's burnt rolls," Meredith announced promptly.

"_And_ Meredith's burnt pancakes," Derek said pointedly.

"Okay," Burke said slowly. "Both of your cooking skills definitely leave something to be desired." He moved to the counter and looked down at the charred messes that were their attempts at cooking. "This is disgusting. I'll cook breakfast. You two, get out of the kitchen. You'll ruin something just by standing here."

Derek and Meredith exchanged mock-offended looks and stepped out of the kitchen. Meredith peered into the living room. "Everyone else is still sleeping."

"Do you want to go outside? This way we won't wake them up."

Meredith nodded, and they went outside to the backyard and sat on the stone wall, with its view of Seattle.

Derek looked appreciatively at the skyline. "It's nice back here."

Meredith nodded woodenly. "My mother liked the view. Not that she saw it that much anyway, but still…"

"Why didn't she see it?" he asked curiously.

"She was too busy working."

Derek nodded. "She was a great surgeon. I'm guessing she wasn't as good a mother?"

Meredith shrugged. "As good as Ellis Grey could be, anyway. I knew her patients always came first." She stood up and began walking away from him on the wall, carefully placing one foot in front of the other. "I always hate it when adults complain about how traumatized they were by their childhoods, don't you? I had everything I could ever want growing up."

_Except a mother and a father_, Derek thought to himself. "Who took care of you when you were little?"

Meredith pivoted gracefully on one foot and began walking back. "I had a bunch of different nannies. During the time in between each one, I usually went to the hospital after school."

"Did they change a lot?" Derek asked neutrally.

Meredith flashed him a brief, ironic smile. "Fairly often."

"Why?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, how many nannies do you think could keep up with the famous Ellis Grey?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.

"Just that most nannies want a break. They don't want to be stuck looking after a 7 year-old all weekend, night and day, because her mother's working a 48-hour shift at the hospital. Or longer."

"Doesn't sound like the best way to raise a child."

"It was fine," she said sharply. "I grew up and was _fine_."

He held up his hands in capitulation. "It's just me, Meredith. You don't have to be so defensive."

She sighed and sat back down next to him. "So, she wasn't the world's greatest mother. So, what? What's your point?"

"I don't have a point, Meredith. I was just trying to find out more about you. That's what friends do, isn't it, they talk about their lives?"

She looked at him skeptically. "Is that what we are now, we're friends?"

"Aren't we? You invited me over for a movie night." he reminded her.

She shrugged. "I really have no idea what we are or whatever it is that we're doing together."

He leaned in closer to her and put out a hand to trace gently along her face. "I know what I'd _like_ us to be doing together."

She held her breath as he leaned in closer, and lightly touched his lips to hers. When she kissed him back, he pushed his hands into her hair and pulled her even closer.

"Breakfast!" Burke called from the back door. Startled, the two of them quickly jumped apart. "Oh, I guess I'm interrupting something out here… Just come in when you're ready!" When they looked towards the door, Burke had gone back inside.

"I guess we should go in," Meredith said reluctantly.

"We could go inside," Derek agreed. "Or we could stay out here for a little while longer."

Meredith looked at him impishly. "Doing what?"

He leaned toward her again. "I have a few ideas."

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When they went back into the house ten minutes later, everyone else had woken up. Cristina smirked at Meredith as she went over to the counter to get breakfast.

"So what were you two doing out there?"

Meredith blushed slightly. "Nothing," she said unconvincingly.

"Really?" Cristina asked. "Because it sounded like Burke interrupted something."

Meredith shrugged and smiled. "Maybe he did."

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After her Saturday off, Meredith went back into the hospital Sunday morning. She pressed the button for the elevator and leaned against the wall. She didn't hear the footsteps come up behind her, and shrieked as arms wrapped around her waist from behind. Twisting around, she exclaimed, "You scared me!"

"Sorry," Derek said, pulling her closer, clearly not at all apologetic. "So," he said, inhaling the lavender scent of her hair, "Any interest in brain surgery today? I'm performing a craniotomy later. Removing a tumor from the frontal lobe."

Meredith smiled up at him. "I'm not sure where I am today. It depends on where Bailey puts me."

"Let me worry about Bailey," he said, leaning down to kiss her just as the elevator doors opened. He reluctantly let go of her, and both their eyes widened as they turned towards the elevator. Addison and Mark were in there, so close they were almost fused together.

Derek turned to Meredith. "I guess we're not the only ones who consider the elevator a romantic spot," he said dryly. Hearing his voice, the pair sprang apart. Derek and Meredith entered the elevator.

"Hey."

"Hi." Addison replied. "Don't worry, the elevator is still your spot. We don't consider it especially romantic."

Derek raised an eyebrow at her. "Really? You don't?"

Mark put his arm around Addison's waist and pulled her towards him. "We're just celebrating."

"What are you celebrating?"

With a grin, Addison held up her left hand. "Our engagement - Mark proposed!"

"Oh, my god!" Meredith moved to Addison to see her ring. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you." Addison looked at Derek quizzically.

He smiled back at her, genuinely happy for the two of them. "Congratulations, you two." He reached out and shook Mark's hand. Meredith and Addison began talking about wedding plans, and Mark looked at Derek and shook his head.

"I'm leaving it all up to her."

Derek nodded. "Probably the best plan."

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Addison and Meredith got off on the 3rd floor, while Mark and Derek stayed on the elevator.

"When did Mark propose?" Meredith asked curiously, as they headed down the hallway.

"On Friday," Addison replied, twirling her emerald engagement ring around her finger. "You don't think it's too soon for me to get engaged, do you?"

"Addison," Meredith said reassuringly. "The divorce was finalized months ago. And besides, when are you two planning on getting married?"

"Not for at least six months. I mean, I need time to plan a wedding! Mark said to do whatever I want, and he'll just show up." Meredith nodded her agreement with this plan, as Addison continued, "And I want you and Izzie to be my bridesmaids. My best friend Savvy's going to be my matron of honor."

Meredith was slightly taken aback, but pleased nonetheless. "Sure. I'd be happy to do it. You'll have to ask Izzie, though"

Addison grinned. "I'm so excited."

Meredith smiled back. "So this is why you two didn't join us for movie night?"

Addison nodded. "We went out to dinner, and Mark proposed, and after that, we just spent Friday night and yesterday together. We just figured we'd tell everyone today." Her expression turned sly. "Apparently, the movie night was a success. You two are back together?"

Meredith shrugged. "I think we're dating now. Who knows?"

"I don't think Derek wants to push his luck. He really wants this, you know," Addison said.

"I mean, he stayed at the house almost the whole day yesterday. Everyone fell asleep on the couch Friday night."

"So are you two going to go out on a real date anytime soon?"

"I'm not really sure yet." She pointed to Addison's ring. "Enough about me and Derek for a minute. I want to hear about your plans for the wedding!"

Addison grinned excitedly. "Okay, so I was thinking probably in about a year, maybe next September or October. I have to find a dress, and a place to have it, and figure out colors for the wedding… I don't really have any plans yet."

"Okay, well it sounds like you have plenty of time."

Addison nodded. "Yeah, I'll start figuring it out eventually."

Meredith shrugged. "That plan's always worked for me."

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Derek and Mark got off on the 4th floor. "So… good job, man." Derek congratulated him. "That's exciting."

"It is," Mark said, nodding. "And you and Meredith seem to be back together, right?"

Derek smiled. "I think we are." He corrected himself. "Hopefully, we are."

"Well, congratulations on that." Derek nodded his thanks. "And I wanted to ask you to be my best man. I think Addison's going to ask Meredith to be a bridesmaid."

"Sure, I'll be your best man." Mark grinned at this final reparation of their friendship. "When's the wedding?"

"Not for a while. But I think at the latest, next September or October."

"Wow." Derek shook his head in shock. "It's pretty amazing."

"It really is, man. So when are you and Meredith going to get married?" he asked jokingly.

Derek's smile faded slightly. "If I thought she'd agree, I'd propose and fly to Vegas this weekend." He shrugged. "I think I'll just stick to the path I'm on."

"Well, congratulations to you too, then. I'm happy you guys are finally together again."

Derek nodded. "I'm happy too."

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At the end of the day, Derek walked into the intern's locker room where the four of them were changing. He stopped by Meredith locker, and she smiled up at him as she pulled on her shoes. "I'll almost done."

"Well, can I walk you to your car?" When she nodded and stood, he picked up her jacket and helped her into it. "Ready?"

They walked to her car in relative silence, except for a few remarks about their respective days. When they reached her car, Derek stopped Meredith before she could get in.

"When's your next day off?"

She stopped to consider it. "Well, Thursday I get done at six."

"Do you want to go out to dinner Thursday night?"

She looked at him skeptically. "Don't you have to work?"

He smiled at her. "See, that's the advantage of being an attending over an intern." He leaned down closer to her and kissed her. "We have better schedules."

"Thursday night?"

"Thursday night," he confirmed.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

He opened the car door for her. "Drive safely."

She got in. "Thanks. I'll talk to you later."

He smiled at her. "You definitely will."

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Meredith walked into the house later that night, and found Izzie at the kitchen table, leafing through the newspaper.

"So, what's new in the world today?"

Izzie closed the newspaper and frowned. "Nothing, really. The world is horribly depressing." Meredith nodded her agreement. "I think I should find something to do during the day."

Meredith hid her hopeful expression. "You could always return to the hospital. I'm sure that if you talked to the chief, he'd-" Izzie was shaking her head. "What?"

"I'm not talking about going back to the hospital. Maybe I could find a smaller practice around here and work there." Meredith's disappointed expression was palpable. "I appreciate you guys wanting me to come back, but I'm not going to."

"But, Iz-"

"So are you and Derek back together?"

Meredith frowned at her friend. "Don't change the subject."

Izzie held up her hands. "I just wanted to know."

"Well, I want to know what you and Alex are doing first."

"We're being friends." Izzie said firmly. "That's it." She looked expectantly at Meredith. "You and Derek?"

"We're going out Thursday night," Meredith confided.

"That's a good night," Izzie said hopefully.

Meredith nodded. "Thursday night," she whispered to herself.

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 12! I was very pleased with the all the reviews I got, and it is because of them that I am now posting Chapter 13.**

**Okay, so I have finally updated! To tell you the truth, I would rather be doing this than doing my homework, so this got done a lot faster than I expected. I got a great response to Chapter 12, and if I get the same kind of response to this chapter, I might update a lot sooner than I plan to. I will definitely try my best to get another chapter done by Thanksgiving, and that's plenty of time, so it should get done. I really love the season so far, and I hope everyone else does too. I have also decided that I will write on my profile how the next chapter is coming, meaning how close to being finished it is and when I will probably be posting it. So if you're eager for the next chapter, check my profile and you will know when it's coming! Okay, I think I have talked for long enough, so enjoy the upcoming weeks of the season, and hopefully I will update soon!**


	14. The Fear You Won't Fall

_Author's note: my story mostly ignores the season so far, but there might be a few references to conversations had and so forth. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 14 - The Fear You Won't Fall**

Thursday night, Izzie walked into Meredith's room, where her friend was absorbed with the red dress she was currently holding up to her slender frame.

"Is that what you're wearing tonight?" Izzie asked from behind her.

Meredith looked up and jumped. "Izzie! What, you don't knock first?"

Izzie ignored her, and snatched the dress from her hand. "It's pretty."

"Do you like it?"

Izzie studied the dress. "Is this what you're wearing tonight?"

"Maybe." Meredith walked over to her bed and picked up another dress, this one a dark blue. "Or this one," she said, holding it up to herself. "What do you think?"

"They're both nice," Izzie said neutrally.

"But which one's _right_?" Meredith asked impatiently.

Izzie tilted her head to the side and stared at the two dresses. "I don't think either one is the right one. I think you should wear the black dress."

Meredith's expression was blank. "What black dress?"

"The one you were wearing when you two met, you know which one I mean."

Meredith reached into her closet and pulled the dress out. "We're supposed to be starting fresh." She looked to Izzie for help, but Izzie just shrugged. "Plus, don't you think this dress could be a little too obvious? We're supposed to be taking it slowly."

Izzie rolled her eyes. _Like that was going to last._

Meredith hadn't missed the expression on Izzie's face. "What?"

"Nothing." Izzie replied innocently.

"You think Derek and I can't move slowly?"

"I didn't say that," Izzie protested weakly.

Meredith turned back to the mirror and tossed her head haughtily. "Well, you're wrong. We're going slowly." She held up the black dress. "I'm wearing this tonight," she announced as she flounced into the bathroom.

Izzie lay down on Meredith's bed. "Slowly, sure, go for it, Mer," she muttered to herself.

"I heard that!" Meredith called from the bathroom.

Izzie grimaced slightly and decided to be quiet, at least for now.

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Derek held the door open for Meredith as they entered the restaurant. The quiet murmuring of voices filled the air, as they walked up to the maître'd and confirmed their reservations. As he led them to their table, Meredith looked around and was glad she'd worn her black dress.

"This is a nice restaurant," she said as they sat down.

"I asked Burke for a recommendation," he replied. "He hasn't been here in a while, because this isn't really Cristina's type of place, but he came here a lot before her."

Meredith smiled slightly, recalling the hot dog eating contest, where Cristina had emerged as the victor. _No, this doesn't seem like it would be her type of place at all._

"What?" Derek asked her.

"Nothing," Meredith replied, a small smile still on her lips.

Derek decided to let it go and reached for his menu. Following suit, Meredith opened hers and scanned it rapidly. After the waiter came over and took their orders, Derek leaned back in his chair and stared across the table at Meredith. Feeling his gaze on her, Meredith looked up and noticed him staring. A slight blush colored her cheeks as she asked him, "What is it?"

"Nothing," he answered, echoing her reply from before. Before she could press him farther, he asked, "So, any interesting cases today?"

She shrugged self-consciously in her chair. "Not really. I got stuck in the pit, and got a girl with a broken arm and a man with second-degree burns from touching his stove."

He nodded, as she asked, "How was your day?"

He smiled at her, "Well, it would have been better if your were my intern for today, but not too bad otherwise. I had a boy with head trauma from a car accident, but we operated and he should be fine." Meredith nodded. "His mother was driving the car, and they got hit on the side from someone who ran a red light, but I think she'll be fine, too. I had to call in Addison for a consult – the woman was hysterical that something might have happened to her baby."

"Is everything okay?" Meredith asked him.

"Well, I think the baby is healthy and didn't suffer any damage from the accident. I didn't see much of Addison today."

"She's getting pretty busy with the wedding," Meredith said. "She told me she hired a wedding planner to help her. Even though they're not getting married for a while, she's doesn't want to put off making plans until the last minute."

Derek nodded in agreement. "She does seem a little crazed, though. I don't understand why. There's over a year until the wedding, and that's if they've even decided on a date yet."

Meredith threw him an affectionate glance. "You wouldn't."

"I wouldn't what?"

"Understand why she running around freaking out about this. After all, the attention at the wedding is always on the bride, not the groom. She wants everything to be perfect."

Derek watched as Meredith took a sip of water from her glass. "Are you and Izzie going to be in the wedding?"

Meredith shrugged. "If Addison wants me to be, I will. I think Izzie's already agreed also."

Derek stared intently at Meredith as he considered his next question. Just as he started to ask, the waiter brought over their food and placed it in front of them. As Meredith started eating her food, Derek watched her. Meredith looked up and caught him staring.

"Is there something wrong with your food?"

"No." Derek shook his head and hastily stabbed his fork into his food. "No, it's great."

He quickly ate a few bites, while Meredith continued to stare at him with a frown on her face. He quickly put on a neutral face and started to ask his question again. "Do you think that… I mean, do you… Could you see…"

Meredith looked at him with confusion written all over her face. "What are you trying to ask me?"

"I know we're taking this slow, for now. But I also know that I hurt you, and I wanted to know if you could ever see us getting married." He took in Meredith's stunned expression and quickly added, "Not anytime soon, I mean. But in the future. I mean, what is this? We're taking it slowly, but are we dating? If I ask you to go out to dinner every weekend, would you say yes? Is this something that is… what is this?"

"You're trying to ask me if we're in a committed relationship," Meredith said slowly, her voice becoming more detached with each word.

Derek could feel her withdrawing, and immediately tried to backpedal, to reverse the damage he thought seemed imminent. "I'm asking you if… Yes, if we're in a committed relationship, and also if we're the way… If you trust me. If you think that could see me again as the man you want to spend the rest of your life with."

Meredith flinched at those words. "Don't ask me that." Her voice wobbled. "I'm not ready to answer questions that like yet."

Derek nodded quickly. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I don't want to push you for an answer now. I wasn't trying to upset you."

"You didn't," Meredith responded.

"All right." Derek ate a few bites of his food. "But obviously I… You seem upset."

"Well I'm _not_," Meredith replied, her voice warning him to drop it.

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They suffered through the rest of their meal in silence. When the bill came, Derek reached for it quickly, and stopped the waiter before he could leave, handing him the bill and his credit card. As Derek helped Meredith into her jacket, all he could think of was _'Is this how it's always going to be?'_

The silence continued in the car, but was broken the minute they walked into Meredith's house. Izzie and Alex were curled up on the house, watching a movie. At the sound of their arrival, Izzie looked up.

"Hey, you two!" she said, smiling. "How was dinner?"

At the question, Meredith's face crumpled, and she turned away and flew up the stairs, slipping and banging her knee in the process. Then a door slammed loudly upstairs, and Derek turned back to Meredith's friends.

"Should I go upstairs?" he asked helplessly. "What do you think I should do?"

Izzie sat frozen for a minute. "What happened? She was looking forward to tonight."

Derek sighed. "It's a long story, Izzie. Ending in us sitting in the restaurant with total silence for most of the meal. And the car," he added as an afterthought.

"Okay, well, I'll go upstairs and talk to her. Alex, you stay here with Derek," Izzie said, pulling herself up from the couch.

"No, wait," Alex replied. "I'll go upstairs and talk to her."

Derek and Izzie exchanged surprised looks. "Are you sure you want to?" Izzie asked him tentatively. "I think it would probably be easier for me to go talk to her."

Alex shook his head. "I think Shepherd needs your help right now," he told her. "Help him understand the innermost workings of the female mind because, obviously, he doesn't get it."

Izzie smiled at Alex. "All right, then," she said, leaning forward and quickly kissing him. "Good luck." Alex rose and went up the stairs, and Izzie waved Derek over to sit on the couch. "Now, tell me what happened."

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Alex pushed open the door to Meredith's room and turned on one of the bed lamps. Meredith was lying on the bed, rubbing her knee. At his entrance, she looked up, her eyes following him around the room until he sat down on the edge of her bed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Meredith finally said, her voice flat and dull, "He asked me if I thought the two of us would ever get married."

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Downstairs, Derek pulled his hand through his hair in frustration, while Izzie waited patiently. Meeting her expectant gaze, Derek said, "I asked her if she would ever trust me enough to marry me someday."

Izzie fell back across the couch in shock. "Oh. Oh, no."

Derek nodded glumly. "Exactly."

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 13!**

**I have finally updated!!! I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner, especially after I said I would probably post earlier. This is probably the longest I have ever gone without posting. On the plus side, 1st semester is over, and I've gotten most of my grades, although I'm still waiting for my grade in the despised writing class. Ugh. Also good news – the site has been fixed so I can view my stats and reviews, even though I still have a hard time updating from my Mac. But still, I love looking at my reviews. I was reading them as motivation for this chapter, and a sincere thank you to everyone who has written a review so far. **

**This chapter probably isn't what most people were expecting. It kind of wrote itself, but it isn't what I was planning to write, to tell you the truth. I do like it. I think I'm out of practice from all the school writing and none of this. But don't worry, I'm a MerDer fan all the way. I think this story is drawing to a close, though. After this, I'll have maybe three chapters at the most. I have some new story ideas that I'm anxious to start on, but if anyone has any suggestions for my next story, let me know. Grey's Anatomy is back ABC on January 11, 2007! Happy New Year!!!**


	15. Like A Star

**Chapter 15 – Like A Star**

"_He asked me if I thought the two of us would ever get married."_

Alex was inwardly shocked, but he managed to maintain his calm. Upsetting Meredith wasn't going to help anyone. "And what did you say?"

Meredith pulled her knees into her chest, curling up into a small ball. "I didn't say anything, really. I said I didn't want to discuss it so soon, and Derek apologized for upsetting me, and we just sat there and ate dinner."

"Why did he decide to bring this up?" Alex asked. "I mean, was he planning on proposing, or…?"

"No." Meredith rolled over slightly on her bed. "I mean, I don't think so. We were talking about Addison and Mark getting married, and he asked… he said something about trust and would I ever trust him again, enough to marry him someday."

"Would you?"

"I thought I would. When Addison told me about she and Mark getting engaged, I started thinking about Derek and everything, the future, but he just… he asked too soon. I don't want to have that discussion yet."

Alex nodded, reaching out awkwardly and patting Meredith's shoulder. _Maybe Izzie should have taken Meredith instead_, he thought to himself, as Meredith turned her face into his shoulder and he felt hot tears soak through his shirt. He pulled Meredith toward him as she cried silently, her body shaking slightly.

"You know, Mer, that Shepherd really loves you." Meredith looked up at this, her eyes red and swollen. Encouraged, Alex continued, "I mean, he may want to move a little faster than you'd want to, but I think that's just because he doesn't want to lose you again."

"He gave me up," Meredith reminded him, her eyes beginning to fill again.

"I know he did, but it's like the way it is with me and Izzie. After Olivia and I, you know… it was never the same after, but I really…" he struggled to explain to Meredith. "Right now, we're sort of dating. Do I want more? Well, yeah, but I'm trying not to push. I think that's the way it is with you and Shepherd."

Meredith leaned her head against Alex's shoulder. "That's nice of you, Alex. Izzie's lucky."

Alex's face warmed at her compliment. "Yeah, well, I figure if I don't push, one day she'll be ready, and I'll be there." Meredith nodded understandingly. "Just give Shepherd a chance, all right, Mer? He's trying. And if you really think he's the one, you should try, too."

Meredith didn't respond, but Alex knew she would think about what he had said. "Do you want to talk to Shepherd? I can go get him."

"In a few minutes," Meredith replied, leaning back against him. "Just give me a few minutes."

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_Downstairs, Derek pulled his hand through his hair in frustration, while Izzie waited patiently. Meeting her expectant gaze, Derek said, "I asked her if she would ever trust me enough to marry me someday."_

_Izzie fell back across the couch in shock. "Oh. Oh, no."_

_Derek nodded glumly. "Exactly."_

"Well, what prompted this conversation?" Izzie asked, confused. "I don't get it. Are you planning on proposing in the near future, or… what, exactly?"

"No, we were just talking about Addison and Mark getting married, and I asked her… it was stupid of me." Derek ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I mean, everyone was saying to leave her alone. And then we got back together, and everyone's saying not to push, and not to hurt her again, and I just… I didn't listen."

For Derek's sake, Izzie forced a smile. "I'm sure it's not as bad as that." In her head, she knew it probably was. Because while Meredith had no problem picking up a guy for a one night stand, she definitely had a big problem with relationships. "I just don't think Meredith is used to having someone so focused on her. Do you know what I mean?"

Derek didn't. "Well, when she was with Finn, wasn't he-"

"He was," Izzie agreed, cutting him off. "No, that was… it was, he was totally focused on her, but I don't think she had the same feelings for him that he had for her, you know? It's different with you."

"So her stronger feelings for me cause her to push me away, that's what you're saying?" Derek asked her skeptically.

"That's what I think, but… you know Meredith." Izzie said, shrugging. "She's not easy to understand. She's… we all say she's dark and twisty, scary and damaged. You know what I mean."

"I know," Derek said, nodding. "Her family, her mom was…"

"What was her mom?" Izzie asked, leaning forward.

It occurred to Derek that Meredith might not have shared with her friends everything that she had told him. At the thought, he smiled, and shook his head slightly. He wasn't going to betray her secrets. "She was the great Ellis Grey," he answered, smoothly revising what he had been about to say. "She was probably one of the best surgeons Seattle or Boston ever had."

Izzie was watching him closely. "That's not what you were going to say."

"No, it's not," he agreed. "But some things Meredith told me in private, and I can't betray those secrets."

Izzie smiled at this. "That's good. It's the right thing to do. If Meredith didn't tell me, then she probably doesn't want me to know."

Despite Izzie's approval, Derek could detect a faint note of hurt in her voice. "I'm sure she'll tell you one day. Maybe when she isn't 'dark and twisty' anymore."

"So what are you going to do?" Izzie asked him.

For a minute, Derek was taken aback by the abrupt change in conversation. "About Meredith?" At Izzie's nod, he asked, "Well, what do you think I should do?"

"Go slower," Izzie said simply.

"I'm trying," Derek replied, frustrated. "It just doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I don't know if she'll ever feel the way she did before."

Izzie leaned back against the couch. "Well, she was really looking forward to tonight, if that helps. I think she tried on about ten different outfits before she picked that dress."

Derek laid back against the couch, exhausted. "Well, that's good, right?"

Izzie raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, it's good. Derek, between four sisters and Addison, you should know something about women's clothing. She was looking forward to tonight."

"I remember that dress, from the first time we met," Derek smiled to himself. "She looked beautiful."

"What, tonight or when you met?"

"Both times."

Izzie smiled at this. "Good answer."

"It's the truth," Derek replied woodenly. "Not that it really matters right now."

Izzie patted his shoulder reassuringly, then rose from the couch. "Stay here, and I'll go talk to Alex, see if Meredith's calmed down."

"Okay," he said, closing his eyes tiredly, as she left the room.

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Izzie quickly walked up the steps, and quietly tiptoed down the hall to Meredith's room. As she raised her hand to knock, the door opened and Alex stepped out.

"Hey, how'd it go?" she whispered as he shut the door behind him.

"I think it went okay," he whispered back. "Derek can probably come upstairs and talk to her now."

Izzie nodded and they went downstairs together. "Derek?" she said tentatively to the almost sleeping man on the couch.

Derek opened his eyes and stared at her sleepily. Alex had his arm around Izzie's shoulders, pulling her close. Both of them wore jeans and sweatshirts, and with Izzie's hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, they both looked young and looked… like they _belonged_ together. Derek felt a rush of envy at the picture they presented. Even if they weren't together now, it was obvious they would be together one day. He stared at them wistfully until he heard Izzie say his name again.

"Derek? You can go see her. Alex said she's okay now. Just don't push like before, alright?"

As the words registered, Derek pushed to his feet and rushed to the stairs, stopping briefly by the couple.

"Thank you for helping me," he said as he started up the staircase.

Izzie and Alex just stood there, bemused, as Derek walked up the steps and disappeared from view.

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Derek quietly let himself into Meredith's room. She rolled to face him as he took a seat on the edge of her bed. He held up his hand before she could say anything.

"Let me go first," he said, scooting closer to her on the bed. "I'm sorry about tonight. I shouldn't have pushed you."

"I'm sorry too," she confessed shakily. "I'm just… I don't know what's wrong with me. This is just so different than everything I've had before."

"We can take our time, alright? We'll go as slow as you want." Meredith nodded, and Derek, encouraged, moved closer, lying down on the bed next to her. He reached out and pulled her to him, ignoring the way she stiffened slightly. After a minute, she relaxed. "I'm not going to change my mind about us. No matter what happens, I love you."

She turned to him, her eyes widening with shock. He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I do. Remember that. Whenever you're get confused or nervous, about us and what we have, or what we are, remember that I love you. I'll wait until you're ready."

She paused for a moment, reaching out her hand to tenderly touch his face. "Alright." Derek held his breath, waiting. She started to say something, then stopped. Finally, she seemed to decide. She turned to him and reached for his hands. "I…"

**And that ends Chapter 15!!!!! Am I evil for stopping there?**

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and a special thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 14! You know who you are, MeredithandDerek, LostKaty, natzbadfairy, nfinchamscheff, jimemon, KB22, bellatrixvssirius, and TVHollywoodDiva. The last chapter was the least number of reviews I've received since my very early chapters, so I have to wonder if people have lost interest in this story. Let me know if you want me to continue. **

**On a more upbeat note, my story now has over 40,000 hits, and for me, this was a pretty fast update. I'm very excited about that, and also thank you to everyone who has added this story to their favorites or alerts. As this story winds down, I am thinking about my next story. If anyone has an idea, let me know:)**


	16. The Way That I Am

**Chapter 16 - The Way That I Am**

"_Remember that I love you. I'll wait until you're ready."_

_She paused for a moment, reaching out her hand to tenderly touch his face. "Alright." Derek held his breath, waiting. She started to say something, then stopped. Finally, she seemed to decide. She turned to him and reached for his hands. "I…"_

The silence stretched on as Derek waited. "Mer?" he asked softly, his voice betraying a hint of panic. "I was kind of hoping for a positive response here," he said, trying to sound playful, but failing.

She slipped her smaller hands into his larger ones, holding on so tightly that her nails bit into his skin. "I… I love you too," she blurted, the words coming out in a rush.

"Really?" Derek asked hopefully. _Does she really mean that, or is she just saying it to make me happy?_

Meredith was silent for a long moment. "Yes, really," she finally replied. "I don't want to. It would be a whole lot easier if I didn't."

Derek held onto her hands, refusing to let go. "I know I hurt you. But I plan to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Meredith studiously avoided his gaze. "You shouldn't say things like that."

Derek held a grip on his frustration. "And why not? I mean them." He kissed her, a kiss full of frustration and love, until he felt her respond. He pulled back. "I do mean them." He leaned down again, kissing her lips, her eyelids, her nose, re-familiarizing himself with the contours of her face. He felt hot tears slide from her eyes and kissed them away.

Meredith cried silently, as Derek refused to let go. He pulled her down until they were both lying on the bed, and drew her close. He felt her stiffen against him.

"Shhh," he said to her softly. "Just go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Meredith watched him through the darkness. He pulled the blankets over them, as he felt her eyes on him. He turned back to her as Meredith quickly averted her gaze. He pulled her back into his arms. Within minutes, she was asleep.

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Downstairs, Alex and Izzie were sprawled out the couch, with Izzie leaning against Alex's shoulder as he stroked her hair.

"Do you think they're all right?" Izzie asked, momentarily breaking the silence.

Alex shrugged. "Well, we haven't heard any screaming or objects being broken, so they probably made up and went to bed."

Izzie glanced toward the ceiling. "Hopefully. I think they would both be a lot happier if they would just stop this and get back together."

"That's not always as easy as it seems, Iz," Alex said, leaning his head against the back of couch as his hand stilled in her hair, tangling in the long, blonde strands. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Izzie asked blankly.

"What are you planning to do now? I mean, you said you didn't want to come back to the hospital… but I think Bailey would probably welcome you back if you've changed your mind."

Izzie shook her head firmly. "No. I filled out a couple applications for jobs at a few different places, and now I'm just waiting to hear back."

"What places?"

"Umm, a few pediatric practices. I have a couple more applications if those don't work out."

Alex thought about this for a minute. "You'd probably make a good pediatrician. You like kids, right?"

Izzie smiled lightly, keeping her mind firmly off the daughter she'd given up years ago. "Yes, I like kids. I should be hearing back soon."

"What was that?" Alex asked, staring at her intently.

"What?" Izzie asked.

"That look. When I asked if you liked kids. For a second, you looked like you were about to…"

"I was about to what, Alex?"

"Cry. You looked like you were about to cry." He untangled his hand from her hair. "Is it Denny? Were you thinking about, you know, the family you could have had with him?"

Izzie stared at him for a minute, shocked to realize that she hadn't really thought about Denny for a few days. The last few days, she had been spending most of her time with Alex.

"Izzie?"

Izzie jumped up from the couch and started pacing in front of it, back and forth.

"Izzie?" Alex repeated, saying her name louder this name, the concern evident in his voice.

Izzie suddenly stopped and pivoted on her heel to face him. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Alex felt her words like a slap in the face, and quickly masked his hurt as he stood up from the couch to meet her gaze. "Is that what you think we've been doing, seeing each other?" he scoffed. He laughed slightly, the sound bitter in his throat, threatening to rise up and choke him. "Don't overrate what it is that we've been doing. We're friends, nothing more." He rose from the couch and headed into the front hallway, where he grabbed his jacket from the closet. He hastily pulled it on and walked out, slamming the front door as he went.

Izzie stood there frozen for a moment, then realized what had happened and rushed to the front door. "Alex!" She screamed at his retreating back. "Alex!" He ignored her. As he started his car, his eyes met her for the briefest moment before he backed up and drove away. Izzie stayed where she was, unaware of the pale streams of tears that glistened as they ran down her face. _What have I done?_ She watched as his car disappeared in the distance, until the red taillights were no longer visible and Izzie was left standing there alone.

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The light was what woke her up. Meredith stretched groggily as the morning sunlight came through the window, burying her face in the pillow in hopes of going back to sleep. After a few minutes, she gave up and rolled out of the bed, giving Derek's sleeping form a furtive glance before quietly closing the door to the bathroom. Once inside, she washed her face, wincing at the sight of her red eyes left over from last night.

She went back into the bedroom, glancing once again at Derek before going out into the hallway and shutting the bedroom door behind her. She leaned against the door and exhaled, relieved to have left without waking him. Just then, a loud crash came from downstairs. Meredith jumped, then hurried down the staircase and into the kitchen to find Izzie on the floor, cleaning up the pieces of a green ceramic bowl. Meredith could only stare at the rest of the kitchen, which was covered with pans of cookies, brownies, and a few cakes. She turned her attention back to Izzie and bent down to help her clean up the rest of the bowl. When they had both straightened, Meredith looked around the kitchen again. "Izzie, what is all this? Where's Alex?"

At the mention of Alex's name, Izzie's eyes filled with tears again. "He left," she said quietly.

Meredith was confused. "Why did he leave? Did he…did you guys get in a fight?"

Izzie shook her head, turning to pull another tray of cookies out of the oven. "No, I told him to leave."

Meredith watched as Izzie began moving the cookies from the pan to a cooling rack. "Well, if you told him to leave… Why did you tell him to leave?"

Izzie fidgeted with the strings of her apron for a moment before answering. "Well, I didn't exactly tell him to leave… I said I didn't think we should see each other anymore."

"I didn't realize you guys were seeing each other," Meredith said cautiously. "I thought you were just friends."

Izzie nodded in response. "We were, but I think in time it would have gone further. And something Alex said last night… I realized that I can't betray Denny's memory like that."

"What did he say?"

"He just…he asked me a question about what Denny and I had planned for the future and I realized," she said, taking a deep breath, "that I hadn't even thought that much about Denny over the last few days." She swiped at some stray tears with her hand. "Alex and I…he makes me forget."

She turned back to face her friend, not sure of what she would see. Meredith looked back at her, her face pensive.

"I think, Iz, that it's good that Alex helps you to forget. I don't think you'll ever forget Denny, but I think…I think there's more than… I think you can have more than one person you're supposed to be with."

Izzie's voice was so quiet, Meredith had to strain to hear her. "But don't you think that Derek's the one?"

Meredith hesitated, torn between being honest and trying to comfort her friend. "I think that he is, but maybe you're lucky enough to have two people. I don't think Denny would want you to be alone for the rest of your life."

Izzie nodded, and the two women lapsed into a contemplative silence. Outside the kitchen, Derek sagged against the wall in relief over the conversation he'd just heard.

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 15! KB22 (loved that review), MeredithandDerek, TVHollywoodDiva, greysaddict4life (I laughed so hard when I saw what you wrote), jimemon, DaughteroftheBard, maragirl, discombobulate25 (no worries, I will _always_ continue), shalia74, bellatrixvssirius, AFan17, and LostKaty. Thank you to those who've reviewed more than one chapter (you know who you are), it's always nice to see that people are actually following my story.**

**This chapter took a while to write. It was difficult to figure out a timeline, because I know in upcoming chapters the story will be jumping forward, so I had to figure out when that's going to happen. But it's all figured out now, and there should probably be around 4 more chapters coming. I just really wanted to get this chapter up before tomorrow's episode (I cannot wait for it, and for those of you who can't either, there's about a minute long sneak preview taken from ABC that someone put up on YouTube – just search for 'Grey's Anatomy Sneak 2/22')**

**Also, a reminder. On my profile page, I write little updates on how the next chapter is coming along and how soon it'll be posted – so if you want to know when it's coming, keep an eye on my profile page. Okay, I think I've talked for long enough now. Everyone enjoy tomorrow's episode!!! (Only 28 hours to go!!!!!)**


	17. Enchantment

**Chapter 17 - Enchantment**

Two months later

Meredith hummed cheerfully to herself as she opened the door to her locker. Turning to put her things in her bag, she noticed Cristina giving her a strange look.

"What?" Meredith asked, embarrassed, a slight blush coming to her cheeks.

"You seem happy," Cristina commented, as Meredith began to stuff her clothes in her bag.

"I am," Meredith replied.

"Why?" Cristina said suspiciously. Not that she didn't want Meredith to be happy, but Meredith's happiness was a red flag that usually meant one of two things: she and Derek were going to be displaying _way_ too much affection in the halls of the hospital, or it was the calm before the storm, before everything fell to pieces and Meredith went back to being dark and twisty. For her friend's sake, Cristina hoping Meredith's happiness was because of Derek, even if it did mean that she would have to watch them make out in the hallway.

"I just am," Meredith said, unrattled by her friend's questioning. "Things are just… really good right now."

"Does this mean that I should knock before walking into any of the on-call rooms?" Cristina asked sarcastically.

Meredith's face turned redder. "Once. That happened once!"

"Yeah, well, once was enough."

Meredith pretended to glare at Cristina as Bailey walked into the locker room. "Like you and Burke are so much better."

"Well at least we always remember to lock the door."

Meredith started to reply, but her retort was cut off by Bailey. "People! There's a lot to be done today. Grey, go find Burke, Yang, you're with Dr. Montgomery, O'Malley, you're with... O'Malley!"

George, who was dozing on one of the locker rooms benches, opened his eyes and looked at her. "What?" he asked blearily.

"You're with Dr. Shepherd today. Before you find him, I'd suggest getting some coffee. And Karev, you're with Sloan."

Meredith looked over to Alex as he closed the door to his locker. His expression of quiet misery had gotten to her. "Look at him," she whispered to Cristina. "He's still really upset about Izzie."

"They still haven't made up?" Cristina asked incredulously.

"No," Meredith said darkly. "Izzie mopes around the house all the time, baking, baking, baking. Her plan for finding somewhere new to work has gone out the window. And Alex…even getting assigned to Sloan doesn't cheer him up! We have to do something."

"Something for what?" Cristina replied absently.

"Something to get them back together!"

"Okay, is this like one of those things where, since you're in love, everyone else has to be in love too?" Cristina asked sarcastically. "Because this isn't really your type of thing."

"Cristina," Meredith said exasperatedly, "we are helping our friends here."

"And your brilliant plan for getting them back together is…?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet," Meredith replied, tilting her head contemplatively as she studied Alex. She turned to Cristina. "Any ideas?"

"Nope."

"None?"

"Zero."

"Well, you're no help," Meredith complained as she watched Alex leave the locker room. "We have to-"

Bailey's voice startled them both, and knocked Meredith out of her thoughtful reverie. "Grey! Yang! Considering you both have places to be, please explain to me why you're still standing here!"

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey," they said in unison, before fleeing out of the room.

Bailey watched them go, making sure they were out of sight before she shook her head and laughed. "Interns."

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"Derek!"

Derek turned his head at the sound of his name being called, and saw Meredith flying down the hall towards him. Laughing, he caught her just as she skidded to a stop, lifting her so she looked down on him.

"Derek!" she protested. "What are you doing? Put me down!"

He shook his head, grinning. "I like holding you," he said simply.

Meredith squirmed a little, but acquiesced when she realized he wasn't letting go. "Okay. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about tonight."

"What about tonight?"

"We're inviting Alex over for dinner."

"Why?" Derek asked, puzzled.

"Well, we're inviting him, and we'll tell him we invited some other people too, but then we're going to go out and leave Alex and Izzie alone."

"So they can make up?" Derek questioned.

Meredith nodded, her long blonde hair dangling in the air above him. "And you and I, Dr. Shepherd, can go out somewhere. To dinner or something."

Derek smiled. "Actually, I have something else in mind."

"What?"

"It's a surprise."

"Tell me!"

Derek shook his head. "You'll have to wait and see. It should be fun, though." Studying her frowning face above him, he lowered her down to kiss her, quickly forgetting the rest of the hospital.

"Shepherd!"

Derek and Meredith jumped apart guiltily at the sound of Bailey's voice. Meredith reached up and tentatively touched her mouth.

"Ow. You bit my lip."

"Grey. Where is Dr. Burke?"

Still holding her lip, Meredith attempted her most innocent smile on Bailey, although it didn't seem to have much effect. "I was just on my way to find him now, Dr. Bailey."

"Well, then get going!" Bailey said, giving Meredith a stern look.

Meredith nodded and hurried down the hall. Derek watched her go with a slight smile on his face, then turned to Bailey, frowning. Not intimidated, she stared back.

"You know, I am your boss."

"She's _my_ intern, Shepherd. And right now, _you're_ distracting my intern," she informed him. "Save it for when you're at home."

Derek just smiled at her and stuck his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. As he set off down the hall, he started whistling happily to himself. Bailey stood watching him go, bemused.

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Izzie heard the front door open and the clatter of things dropping to the floor before Meredith appeared in the kitchen doorway. Derek stood behind her, his arms full of takeout containers, while Meredith held a six-pack of soda and a bottle of wine.

"Hey, Izzie," Meredith said cheerfully as she dropped the beverages on the counter, then turned to Derek, taking a container before it fell and placing it on the table. Derek exhaled in relief as he put all the other food safely down.

"What's all this?"

"Oh, I invited some people to join us for dinner tonight," Meredith replied, removing the lid from a bowl of pasta. "But on the way home, Derek pointed out that, you know, I don't cook, so we stopped and picked up Italian."

"It smells good," Izzie said, standing up to help. "When are they getting here?"

"Umm, any second." Just then, the doorbell rang. "I'll get that. Derek, can you help Izzie with the rest of the food? I'll be right back."

Meredith left the kitchen and went to the front door. When it was opened, Derek and Izzie heard greetings being exchanged, Meredith's voice mingling with a deeper one. Izzie slowly straightened up from the table.

"Wait. Is that…?" Her words trailed off as Meredith appeared in the doorframe of the kitchen, Alex behind her. Alex took in the scene in front of him, quickly becoming confused.

"Where is everyone?"

"Everyone?" Izzie prompted him, her own suspicions rapidly becoming confirmed.

"Meredith, you told me that invited over other people," Alex said, turning to her.

"I did!" Meredith said brightly, moving to the cabinets and taking out some plates. "They just haven't gotten here yet." As Alex and Izzie watched her skeptically, she busied herself taking out things to set the table. She moved into the dining room with some utensils.

"Derek, can you help me?" she called.

"Of course," Derek said promptly, eager to get out of the kitchen and away from the way Alex and Izzie were looking at him. He moved into the dining room, and bent his head to Meredith's. "I think they know this is a setup," he told her, amused.

She sighed. "Probably, right? We weren't very subtle about it."

He laughed. "Well, as long as they know, why don't we get out of here, because I have somewhere I want to go before it closes. And so they can be alone," he added as an afterthought.

"Is it the surprise?"

"Maybe."

"Alright, let's go."

She moved back into the kitchen. "Okay, you two, Derek and I have somewhere we really have to be, but we'll be back soon. For now, just hang out, and," she said, still keeping up the pretense, "everyone else should be here soon."

She walked to the front door, where Derek was waiting with her jacket. As he helped her into it, Alex came striding out into the hall.

"Meredith. This whole thing is a setup, isn't it?"

Meredith ignored him. "Everyone else should be here soon. Until then, I'm sure you and Izzie can find something to talk about without fighting."

Alex let out a small laugh. "Just say it!"

Meredith looked at him guiltily but didn't reply. "We'll be back later. Bye, Izzie!" she called loudly in the direction of the kitchen. "See you later, Alex." And with that, Derek nodded his goodbye to Alex and the two of them disappeared out the front door.

Alex stared at the closed front door for a minute, shaking his head slowly. A clatter from the kitchen startled him out of his trance. Shrugging to himself, he headed into the kitchen, giving himself a little pep talk on the way. _Hey man, this is a golden opportunity. You get to have dinner, alone, with her. It's perfect. No problem._

He walked into the kitchen, taking in the sight of a broken glass on the floor. He looked from the floor to Izzie's face, giving her a slow, intimate smile. "Need some help?"

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"Where are we going?"

Derek steered his car through the streets of Seattle. "You'll see when we get there." Finally, he parked in front of an large, expensive looking store a little outside the city. He parked, then came around to Meredith's side of the car and opened the door for her. She swung her legs out of the car and stood up, gazing at the store in front of her.

"Are we going shopping?" she asked him, mystified as to why they were there.

He smiled and replied, "In a way. You'll see." They walked into the store and Meredith looked around.

"Furniture shopping?"

"Yeah. It's a little early, but they've started laying the foundation for the house, and since I really don't have any furniture for it, I thought we could get started. It's going to be a big undertaking. I mean, if you want to help."

Meredith stepped further into the store, surveying the items around her as Derek waited nervously for her reply. She spun around to face him, and slowly a dazzling smile appeared on her face. Derek's breath caught at the sight.

"Where should we look first?"

Derek pretended to mull it over. "Hmm. Well, I think we should do the most important room first." Meredith waited for him to explain. He tipped his head towards the back of the store. "The bedroom sets are over there."

Meredith smiled, holding her hand out to him. His large hand enveloped her smaller one, as he drew her close and they headed for the back of the store.

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**Yay! An update! Thank you for everyone who reviewed Chapter 16, and if you liked this chapter, let me know by reviewing! It's taken me a while to update – just been really busy lately, so my apologies to anyone who wanted this update faster. This one was hard to put up - the document uploader wasn't working, so I had to cut and paste this chapter and then fix all the margins! And yes, you do have to wait till the next chapter to find out the fate of Izzie and Alex. **

**This story's winding down. I don't know how many more chapters there will be, but probably not a lot more. But in the last chapter, I may include some children. If anyone has any name ideas for specific couples, let me know! Also, Grey's Anatomy is back on this week, on April 12, 2007 – it's one of those memorable moments recap episodes. Next week, new episodes return for real – I'm looking forward to it!**


	18. Come To Me

**Chapter 18 – Come To Me  
**

Back at the house

_He walked into the kitchen, taking in the sight of a broken glass on the floor. He looked from the floor to Izzie's face, giving her a slow, intimate smile. "Need some help?"_

Flustered, Izzie quickly shook her head. "No, no, I've got it." She went out into the hall and came back with a dustpan and broom. "No problem," she said, attempting a smile. "So, did they really invite other people, or is this some kind of setup?"

Alex leaned against the counter as he pondered the best way to answer that. "I'd go for the latter," he finally replied dryly.

She nodded. "Right, right," she agreed, clearly uncomfortable with this situation. "I mean, I already knew that," she babbled on. "I guess we can…you can stay, if you want to."

"Do _you_ want me to stay?" Izzie remained kneeling on the floor, seemingly indecisive. "I'll go, if you want me to."

Finally, Izzie shook her head, straightening up moving to the garbage to throw away the shattered glass. "No, what would be the point? We have lots of food here, and- Do you cook? You should stay. I could never eat all this on my own."

"Well, according to Derek and Meredith, all the other people coming soon should be able to help you eat it," he joked, hoping to put her at ease.

It worked. She laughed and shook her head. "The two of them are such bad liars. Considering how they got started, lying about his wife and her mother and everything that's happened since then, you would think they'd be better at it."

Alex's laughter joined hers. "Well, they seem happy enough now. Do you know where they were going?"

"I thought they were staying here!" she replied, moving to the countertop and picking up the plates that Meredith had left there. Handing one to Alex, she gestured towards the food. "Take as much as you want."

When they were both settled at the dining room table, Izzie looked around the room. Clearly, Meredith had tried to create a romantic atmosphere before she and Derek made their escape. The chandelier was dimmed, while candles flickered and bathed the room in soft light.

Izzie snuck covert glances at her dinner partner as he ate. He quickly finished most of what was on his plate, then happened to glance up at the same time as she did. Their eyes met for a second, then Izzie looked back down at her food while Alex continued to stare at her.

"I've missed you," Alex said, so quietly that Izzie almost didn't hear him. Her head snapped up, and she looked at him, the surprise evident on her face.

"I didn't think you would."

"Why not?" Alex questioned, the surprise now clear on his face.

Izzie shrugged, now embarrassed. "I shouldn't have…I'm sorry, about what I said, that we shouldn't see each other anymore. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. I should have explained…all of it," she trailed off lamely.

"Then explain it now," Alex said, leaning forward intently. "I want to understand, all of it."

Izzie took a deep breath. "Okay." She paused. "I don't know how to start."

"Tell me why you said we shouldn't see each other anymore."

That was the easiest question he could have asked, and Izzie quietly replied, "When we were talking that night, you asked about Denny. And I realized…when I'm with you I don't think about him. And it was…_wrong_, because I shouldn't forget him so easily." She wiped a few tears off her face. "And I'm sorry if I hurt you, but Denny and I…it's not right for me to forget him."

"I'm not asking you to forget him," Alex told her in response, placing his hand on top of hers, and grasping it lightly so she couldn't pull away. "Remember him, but be with me. You can't live in the past forever, Iz." She didn't reply, and he sighed. "Tell me something."

"Tell you what?"

"I don't know, anything. Something to get to know you better."

She looked up at him. "A secret?"

Alex shrugged. "If you want."

Izzie bit her lip in thought. "How about…an exchange of secrets? I'll tell you something if you'll tell me something." Alex nodded in silent agreement. "You first."

He took a deep breath. "Okay." He paused briefly for a moment, then said, his voice rough, "I wouldn't say I had the happiest childhood. My father was an alcoholic who used to beat my mother."

Izzie's eyes turned dark with compassion. "Oh, Alex," she said, reaching across the table as if to get closer to him. He abruptly pulled his hand away.

"Don't," he said. "It was a long time ago. You can get over a bad childhood. You can get over almost anything." Izzie understood his need to minimize it, to pull away, but it still hurt. She withdrew her hand and stared down at the table. "Now it's your turn."

Izzie looked up. "My turn?"

"To tell your secret."

"Oh." Izzie paused for a long moment, as Alex waited. He had a feeling she wanted to back out, but knew she wouldn't. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak. "I have a daughter." She rushed on, before he could say anything. "I had her when I was sixteen, and gave her up for adoption. Her name's Hannah."

Alex stood up from his chair and pushed it back in. Izzie stared at him, startled, afraid he was walking away because of what she had told him. Instead, he came over to her side of the table, gently pulled her up from her chair, and led her over to the couch, where they sat together silently, pressed close together, Alex's arms over Izzie's shoulders.

They sat like that for almost an hour until Alex finally broke the silence. "I have an idea." Izzie turned to face him. "It may sound a little crazy, but just hear me out, okay?" Izzie nodded, as Alex drew closely and whispered the idea in her ear.

She pulled back, her eyes wide, once she had heard it. "Are you crazy?"

Alex grinned. "Yes. No. What do you think?"

"I think that you're completely insane…," she said, her forehead wrinkling in thought. She was silent for so long that when she finally opened her mouth to reply, Alex was expecting a negative answer, "but I think that we should do it."

"Really?"

She smiled. "Yes."

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10 Months Later

In Addison's bridal suite at the Sorrento Hotel, Meredith stood and watched as Addison got her makeup done and a stylist curled Izzie's golden hair into thick waves. Addison gazed into the mirror, seeming a bit bored, while Izzie looked down to stare dreamily at the gold band encircling her left ring finger. Meredith paused and followed her gaze to the ring.

Everyone had been stunned when Izzie and Alex had run off to Las Vegas 10 months earlier and gotten married, but no one had voiced any such thoughts, at least not to either of them. Which was a good thing, because the two of them had moved into Alex's apartment near the hospital and both seemed blissfully happy. It was almost embarrassing to watch the two of them together. Anyone at the hospital who thought Meredith and Derek shared too many public displays of affection was now wishing for that to return.

As the makeup artist finished, Addison stood up and pushed Meredith into the chair where she had been sitting. "Your turn," she announced, fanatically cheerful, as Meredith rolled her eyes. The normally calm, efficient Dr. Montgomery had transformed into a controlling, crazy bride for the last few months. Meredith, for one, was grateful that the wedding day had finally arrived and the real Addison would be returning soon.

Meredith stood up once her makeup was done and considered herself in the mirror. Her hair was done and lay around her shoulders and down her back in thick waves. Her face featured dramatically lined eyes and long lashes. It was a night wedding, after all. She slipped into the bathroom and pulled on her burgundy colored bridesmaid gown. When she came out, Izzie and Addison were peering into the mirror as they tried to decide how Addison was going to do her hair. Meredith sighed. This decision had been made weeks ago.

"I'll be back in a little bit," she said, going to the door of the suite leading out to the hallway. "I'm going to go find Derek." The two women barely glanced at her as she marched out. Meredith carefully picked up the skirt of her dress and hurried down to the elevator. Pressing the bottom to go up, she impatiently bounced on the balls of her feet as she waited. When the elevator door opened, she rushed inside – straight into Derek.

"Oh!" Derek grasped her arms lightly to keep her from falling back. "Hi."

Derek smiled in return. "I was just coming to find you," he said, steering her out of the elevator and back onto her floor.

"I was coming to find you, too," she replied. "Escaping from the madness of Addison and Izzie."

Derek laughed as Meredith straightened the tie on his tuxedo, then leaned back to inspect her handiwork. "Perfect."

"So how much longer till the ceremony starts?"

Meredith looked at her wrist, then realized belatedly that she wasn't wearing a watch. "Well, it starts at 7, so…"

"So we have one hour," Derek filled in, pulling his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. "What do you think we should do?" he asked teasingly, pulling her close to him as she tilted her face up to his.

"Derek!" Meredith squealed as she pulled away. "We don't have time for _that_ right now. Later." That night, most of the guests and the bridal party were staying at the hotel after Addison and Mark left on their honeymoon.

"I'm going to hold you to that," Derek said, leaning down to kiss her.

"I hope you do," she whispered, as he pressed his mouth to hers.

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_The wedding was beautiful_, Meredith thought blearily to herself, as she and Derek lay in their hotel suite that night. Addison had been gorgeous in her dress, the hotel had been the perfect location, and, best of all, the wedding was over and she no longer had to hear about wedding plans everyday.

Meredith turned over a few times in bed. She was exhausted, yet couldn't seem to fall asleep. After the wedding, there had been a reception in the hotel ballroom. She and Derek had danced almost every song, while Alex had danced a few songs with Izzie then stood glowering at the edge of the dance floor when Mark's cousin asked her to dance. Cristina had stubbornly refused to dance until Burke lost his patience and pulled her onto the dance floor, where they were all surprised to discover that Cristina actually _could_ dance. "My mother forced me to take dance lessons when I was a kid," she had explained to Meredith, the second she got back to their table. "It was not _my_ choice, so don't for a second think that- _Why_ are you laughing?" Her question only made Meredith laugh harder.

_All in all, it was a perfect day_, Meredith thought to herself. Which didn't explain why she was still up, as she turned over in bed again, waking Derek.

"Meredith?" he murmured sleepily. "You're still awake."

"Yeah," she said. "I can't fall asleep." Derek opened his eyes to see her watching him. "You look so peaceful when you sleep."

"Why can't _you_ fall asleep?" He pushed himself up on the pillow so he could see the clock on the nightstand. "It's 3 in the morning."

"I _know_," she replied, scowling at him in a way he thought was adorable. "I'm just thinking about today…actually, yesterday. Wasn't the wedding nice?"

"Sure was," Derek replied, extending an arm to pull her closer to him, while his other arm groped for the switch to the table lamp.

"And this was really perfect place for it, wasn't it?" she asked him. "It was a very Addison and Mark wedding, and-"

Derek placed his hand gently over her mouth. "Stop talking for a second, okay? I wanted to show you something." He withdrew his hand and flicked the switch on the lamp.

Meredith blinked as her eyes adjusted to the sudden light. As the room came into focus, she turned her attention back to Derek, and watched in disbelief as he pulled a small black velvet box from underneath the bedspread. Meredith blinked hard to make sure she was awake; it was like everything was happening in slow motion as he popped open the box and smiled at her.

"I was going to wait until this morning," he explained, "but it _is _morning, and I don't want to wait any longer." He leaned nearer to her, holding the box in both hands. "Marry me, Meredith."

**As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 17! **

**And there you have it! Chapter 18 is finally finished! I apologize for the delay, no good excuses, really. I had about a third of this chapter done for the last 3 months, and couldn't think of what else to write. I think being back at school inspires me, since I definitely wasn't inspired by the end to last season. There's probably only one, maybe two, more chapters left in this story, and I actually know exactly when I want to post my next chapter, if I can only get it done in time. (Fingers crossed!) Please review!**


	19. Epilogue: There Is So Much More

**Chapter 19 – Epilogue: There Is So Much More**

15 years later

Derek looked up from his position kneeling on the floor. "How's that, sweetheart?"

The angelic-looking child currently sitting on a chair in front of him shook her head. "The left one's a little bigger than the right."

Derek tugged on the right string a bit. "How about that?"

"Now the right one's bigger, Daddy!" The girl got off her chair and knelt down on the floor, tugging on her shoelaces until the bows were precisely even. "Like that," she said, beaming at him.

"Like that, huh?" Derek asked, effortlessly scooping up the child and tossing her in the air as she shrieked with laughter. "How about we go outside and find everyone else?" The girl nodded as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck, her fingers twisting in the back of his hair. Derek winced as he turned into the upstairs hallway of his house, until his daughter removed her hands when they came to her favorite picture.

"Look, Daddy, look!" she said, pointing at a wedding portrait of him and Meredith. It was her favorite picture in the entire house, her parent's wedding with the Puget Sound in the background. Derek nodded as he paused for a minute to let her look, then continued on and opened the back door of the house. His ears were immediately assaulted with the sound of shrieking children. Nine children of various ages ran around his backyard, while a tenth sat quietly on a bench and read her book. Derek gently placed his daughter on the ground, then scanned the backyard until he spotted his other two children. Noticing his wife flipping hamburgers on the grill, he joined her.

"Need some help, Dr. Shepherd?"

She looked up, pretending surprise. "I would have thought you'd be inside for another half hour. Ella was happy with her outfit?"

Derek shook his head. "I have magic powers with children. I can get them ready in under 10 minutes." As Meredith looked at him skeptically, he admitted sheepishly, "All right, Ella picked out her own outfit. And fixed her shoes after I tied them."

"Well, that explains a lot," Meredith replied as she gazed at her youngest child.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Derek asked, feigning indignation.

"Well, I didn't think you were quite so up-to-date of what toddlers consider fashionable these days," Meredith replied, taking in her daughter's bright pink boots, olive green skirt, and matching pink pullover. "That's her favorite outfit."

"She wanted to look nice for our guests."

"Our guests? What guests?"

Derek had to concede that point. The Burke's, Karev's, Sloan's, and O'Malley's were at their house so often, they might as well have been family.

"Did you see the boys when you came out?" Meredith asked him.

"Yeah," he replied, pointing in their general direction. "They're in the back, playing with those toy soldiers Mark and Addison got Justin for his birthday."

Meredith nodded in relief as she spotted her sons' dark heads huddled together, mixed with a dark blonde one. Out of their three children, the oldest, Ryan, at 11, was a miniature replicate of Derek, with dark hair and blue eyes. Their other son, Justin, 3 years younger than his brother, took after both his parents, with his father's dark hair and his mother's blue-green eyes and beaming smile. Their only daughter, Ella, looked entirely like her mother, with sandy blond hair and blue-green eyes, and the same fragile, petite build.

At that moment, Ella was in the sandbox with her best friend Morgan, Burke and Cristina's only daughter. Morgan's older brothers were busy tossing a baseball back and forth, as their father looked on. Cristina and Burke had finally gotten married a year after their twin sons were born, although, if you listened to Cristina, it was only for the sake of their children. Meredith laughed whenever she heard this, knowing better.

As Meredith watched, Ryan's best friend, James Karev, joined in the ball game. A few months older than Ryan, he took after Alex in almost every way, while his sister, Samantha, looked almost exactly like Izzie. Samantha was currently in the Ella's log playhouse with George and Callie's only child, Jordan. At 6, Jordan was 4 years younger than Mark and Addison's daughter, Kate, but older than the rest of the girls, who were all 4. Consequently, she usually stuck like glue to the side of Kate's brother, Nicholas, while Samantha flitted from group to group. While he was the same age as the Burke twins and Justin Shepherd, his calmer, sweeter, and more independent meant that he didn't mind staying with Jordan, most of the time. Today, though, he had found both of the Shepherd boys and was with them.

Meredith scanned the group of children again, her frown easing as she finally spotted Kate Sloan sitting aside from the rest of the children, a book in her lap. Kate took after her father in looks, with his dark blonde hair and blue eyes, while her younger brother had the same coloring but resembled Addison more than Mark. Her long, gangly limbs promised that one day she would be as tall as both her parents, but for now, those coltish limbs just made her awkward. While she shared her father's looks, it didn't seem like she had inherited either of her parents' outgoing, confident personalities. At any gathering of the families, she preferred to find a corner and read her book. As Meredith observed, Kate's father joined her on her bench, clearly trying to persuade her to put down her reading and join the rest of the kids. Kate shook her head stubbornly, her lips pursing in a frown as she pointed to her book and shook her head again. Mark persisted, pointing out all the other kids and how they were together, and with a dramatic sigh and a roll of her eyes, Kate acquiesced. She handed her book to her father, who ruffled her hair as she stood and looked around, then spotted Meredith watching and made a beeline for her.

Meredith shared a knowing smile with Mark just as Kate reached her. "Hi, Meredith," the child said, skidding to a stop right in front of her.

"Hey Kate," Meredith said, giving the girl her full attention as Derek took over at the grill. "Saw your dad pull you away from your book."

Kate sighed and put her hands on her hips as she shook her head. "I had just gotten to the best part, too."

Meredith smiled sympathetically as she thought to herself,_ this one's going to be a handful when she gets older. _Beyond a willful personality, there was a definite promise of beauty, given a few years' time. Mark was going to be beating the boys off with a stick. "What were you reading?"

Kate straightened a little. "1984, by George Orwell. It's a really good book. I was watching the news the other day, and-"

"Is that for school?" Meredith interrupted, knowing that if she didn't, she was going to end up discussing literature with a precocious 10-year-old who had probably read more books in the last month than Meredith had in the past year.

"No, it's just for fun. The librarian recommended it to me."

"How's school going? You're in the same class as Ryan and James, right?" Kate was a year younger than the two boys, but had skipped a grade early on.

"Yeah. It's okay. Kind of boring." Her eyes lit up. "They put a frog in this girl's cubby the other day. _That _wasn't boring." Derek, upon hearing this, doubled over in laughter beside Meredith as she frowned.

"Ryan and James did that?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "Why would they do that? This is the first I'm hearing of it – I assume that means they didn't get caught?"

"Well, the teacher probably thought it was them, but he couldn't prove it, and no one else was going to tell him, so…" Kate shrugged her slim shoulders, smiling a little at the memory. "It was _so_ funny."

"Why would they _do _that?" Meredith nudged Derek, who was still laughing beside her. "Derek! We don't want to encourage this kind of behavior. Kate?"

Kate smiled knowingly. "The girl tried to kiss Ryan at recess. That's why they put that frog in her cubby." Meredith's eyebrows shot up as she digested this piece of information, while Derek only laughed harder. Kate wrinkled her nose as she continued. "I don't know why she wanted to kiss _him_. James is much better looking anyway, if she _had _to pick one of them to kiss. No offense, Dr. Shepherd. I mean, everyone always says Ryan takes after you." Now it was Meredith's turn to double over in laughter, while Derek tried to look angry and failed.

"That's alright, Kate. Why don't you go find the boys? They're around here somewhere."

Kate shook her head. "No, I think I'll go play baseball. See you guys later." She tossed her hair and was off.

Derek wrapped his arm around his wife, who was still laughing. "Oh, God," she said, wiping tears from her eyes. "Mark and Addison are going to have their hands full with that one."

"No kidding," Derek agreed wryly. "Little mischief-maker."

"Speaking of those, where's our mischief-maker?"

"Which one?"

"The smallest one."

"She's in the sandbox with Morgan. Rose is keeping an eye on them." Rose was the Shepherd's nanny, and had been ever since Ryan was born. "Since everyone's busy, how about I finish up on the barbeque and then we'll sneak away for a little?"

"I like that idea," Meredith replied, turning in Derek's arms to kiss him. She pressed her lips to his, enjoying the moment, then heard-

"Don't you two ever give it a rest? I thought marriage and children were supposed to kill sex."

Meredith barely shifted, removing her lips from Derek's only to get out the words. "Go away, Cristina."

"Hey, I thought you two were the hosts of this little gathering. And the kids are getting hungry."

Meredith and Derek reluctantly separated. "Okay, okay. Derek, why don't finish up here and I'll go get whatever's in the refrigerator inside."

Derek nodded his agreement and turned back to the grill. Meredith and Cristina turned to go into the house, when suddenly, an earsplitting scream shattered the peaceful spring afternoon. Meredith and Derek instantly recognized the scream, and took off running for the sandbox, where Ella was sprawled on the ground clutching her leg, blood everywhere.

Derek instantly scooped up his daughter and, with Meredith next to him, carried her over to a picnic table and placed her on top, where both her parents stooped to look at her leg.

"What happened?" Derek asked a crying Ella.

"He pushed me!" she sobbed, pointing at James.

"She fell and hit her leg on the corner of the sandbox, the wooden part," Ryan explained, having just come over to the picnic table, but keeping his distance. The sight of blood made Ryan sick.

"James pushed me!" Ella insisted, still crying.

Meredith recognized the guilt on her son's face the instant it appeared. "Ryan."

Hearing the warning note in his mother's tone, Ryan threw a panicked look towards James, then, "We were just joking around with them. He didn't mean to hurt her."

"Mark, can you come over here?" Derek asked.

Mark appeared instantly. "Want me to run inside and get something for her leg?"

"Do you think it needs stitches?"

Mark bent over Ella's leg and winced. "Yeah, she should have stitches. I can do it inside, if you guys have everything."

Derek picked Ella again, whose sobs had subsided to sniffling, as Meredith went to find their first-aid kit. He placed Ella on a couch inside, as Meredith came back, handing the kit to Mark, who opened it and whistled. "You guys have a whole hospital in here."

Meredith shrugged. "Two boys, plus a girl who is prone to her own share of mishaps…we're prepared for everything. You know how it is."

Mark nodded as he started to clean up Ella's leg. "Why don't you guys go get Ella something to drink?" he suggested in low tones. "I think she'll be a little braver about the stitches if you're not here wringing your hands over her."

Meredith frowned, but Derek, recognizing the wisdom of that suggestion, gently caught her arm and pulled her into the kitchen. "Mark knows what he's doing. She'll be calmer without us around getting upset because she's upset."

Meredith nodded, having seen that a lot at the hospital. Still, she leaned tiredly against Derek, cringing when she heard Ella whimper.

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Mark worked quickly, and was almost halfway through Ella's stitches when she abruptly sat up and watched him sew up her leg, fascinated. Until then, she had been bravely keeping quiet, even as her lower lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears.

Mark noticed her interest. "See, Ella, no big deal. You might not even have a scar," he said, grinning cockily at her. "I'm that good."

Ella reached forward as though to touch the line of stitches, then pulled her hand back, just watching as Mark finished.

"So you're a plastic surgeon?" Mark nodded, and Ella continued, "I'm going to be a surgeon one day. When I grow up."

Mark was taken aback by the resolve in her tone. After all, she was only four. "A surgeon, huh? Like your parents."

Ella shook her head. "I'll be even better," she said, gesturing expansively with her arms. "When I was at the hospital the other day, I heard some doctors talking, and they said my parents are two of the best neurosurgeons on the West Coast! But I'm going to be the best in the whole world! You'll see."

Mark nodded again, laughing silently. He pressed a bandage over her stitches, then leaned back. "All done."

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That night

Meredith and Derek lay in their bed later that day. Pulled back against her husband's chest, Meredith was idly tracing a pattern on their blanket as Derek ran his fingers through her hair.

"Today was certainly an exciting day," Derek commented idly.

Meredith nodded her agreement. "It was. But Ella's fine now. She went to bed hours ago. We'll just take out the stitches in a week or so. Or Mark can do it."

Derek nodded, seeming reassured, but Meredith knew he still worried. Although he would never admit it, she knew that as their only daughter, Ella held a special place in his heart. She turned in his comforting hold, her arms twining around his neck.

"She's a tough kid, Derek," she murmured against his lips. "Don't worry about it. We can check on her in a few hours. For now…"

Derek gently pulled back from her, watching her expression on her face change from passion to confusion. "I love you," he told her.

Meredith smiled. "I love you too, Derek. Is something wrong?"

Derek pressed his lips down to hers, kissing her, then drawing back for a second. "No, I just wanted to tell you that. Everything's just right. The way it should be." And with that, he leaned down to kiss her again.

_Dare to love completely.  
_

**And that ends my story! This chapter was done a week ago, because I had basically had it all thought out in my head months ago, way before I posted the last few chapters of this story. But, like I said at the end of the last chapter, I knew exactly when I wanted to post this. So, I'm ending "Belonging" with its nineteenth chapter on my 19****th**** birthday. Yay :)  
**

**Thank you for all the reviews on my past chapters, and please review this one! Let me know what you thought of my first ever fanfic! While I'm currently working on my Bones story, "As the Stars Fall Away", I'm already thinking about my next one for Grey's – probably using the children I created in this chapter. What do you think of them? Let me know your thoughts, and thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story!  
-nygirl88**


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